Snapshots of home

Not much

Not a day goes by without some bus accident on the roads of Malaysia now. Pretty strange really. Ever since the bus flipover by a Super Express bus, every other day seems to carry the headlines of yet another bus accident involving a blacklisted bus driver.

Having travelled on buses from Sitiawan to KL for nearly 2 years on a regular basis, it feels weird to be doubting the service now. But conversely, having a friend die due to a bus accident a few years ago, doubting bus services seems only natural, especially given the unusually large number of mishaps, like this, and this.

I remember when I used to take the bus from Pudu station in KL. Often driving at night, it was a nice to feel the driver was doing everything he could to reach his destination on time. I also recall countless occasions while driving along the North-South highway and having been overtaken by express buses going in the excess of 120km per hour. To be fair, this is not only confined to buses but also long trailers and lorries.

Arguments, no doubt, about bus drivers having to earn their keep, that they know their stuff and that we should trust them where driving vehicles is concerned. And this is probably true for some of the drivers, but how many aging nuts with probable aspirations of racing remain plying the roads; now that is the question.

The other day, a column in the Star spoke of how reluctant a mother was to let her daughter board a bus in light of the past weeks. Before long, and if the rot is not contained, i fear that buses will soon be running with half loads or none at all.

Hey

From 4 days in KL and Seremban, I'm feeling tired but content.

Seemed to be 4 days of non-stop meeting people. From chatting in malls to catching up after church services, to surprise birthdays and Starbucks till closing-time, it seemed to be one whole big eat-chat session.

Caught up with the IMU Seremban people with Jack and HP. Gracious enough to house us though major exams were looming up this week, and caring enough to help us look for our stolen bags in Jusco carpark. Met up with Sieh Jin and the WIFE as he calls her. In fact, marriage seemed to be the in-thing as I met up friends who are now happily married...there must have been at least 3 couples and one soon-to-be couple I met this last 4 days!

ECF was filled with more foreign people than I'd previously remembered, and best of all, more IMU students. Watching Ian trying to get the IMU-ers going after the service, I was reminded of Shawn (now Pastor Shawn) and Kevin trying their level best to rally us when we were in IMU. Everyday, the food court in Puchong still had their beef noodles but the fried chicken stall was nowhere to be found.

Too many people to meet, in way too little time. Talking with Ian the night before coming back, I was trying to process why is it I like coming back to Malaysia so much. Why do I feel so much more at home here despite being away for 2 years and counting? And somewhat sadly, I think its because of the memories I've left behind here. UK just doesn't seem to, I dont know...be that memorable yet?

In the meantime, I need to work through when I'm planning to fly back (if ever) to Malaysia and find out about visa details for work after 5th year. This weeks one-hour episode of Naruto takes first priority though.

What fun

After a year way, it was with some shock to come home to find that not only does Sitiawan have a McDonalds, but also a Secret Recipe and 2 overhead bridges. Double lane highways going through town. David and Joy, the Sitiawan you saw is no more.

The next shock almost floored me. A year after I'd left, my family saw it fit to finally get broadband and Astro fitted. They must have been waiting to get me out of the way. L

Nice to see some things never change though.
The top level of books remains as inaccessible to me as ever.

The pressure is on

Baking for 2 demanding housemates is hard enough. Especially when one bakes better than you do and is proud of it.

However, all that pales in comparison to the task I've just set myself.

See, in order to thank our GP whom we've been working with for the past year, I decided, against my better judgement, to bake this for him. And this coming from a guy who can't make bread pudding to save his life.

Twice baked biscuits. Not too hard-sounding, but it took what seemed a mountain of sugar, twice as much flour and more butter than we'd eat in a month. And Tesco raspberries.

With that much invested in this, I'd be to blame if things didn't go according to plan. Thankfully, the final baking process is underway, and I'm checking things every few minutes, which wont do wonders for the final product, but its better than burnt biscotti.

Aside, Partition is well worth a watch. Though seeing native Indians speak in English wont do wonders for setting the mood, this movie manages to pull it off quite well. And if there's nothing else that interests you about the separation of Pakistan and India, or the atrocities of the time, there's always Kristin Kreuk.

Looking around my room

There's a lot of stuff to clean up. My cupboard is full of IMU notes, which surprise, surprise, I did end up needing at different times throughout the year. Books take up most of the remaining cupboard space, of these, the most dusty are the anatomy and pathology books, both rejected in lieu of oxford clinical handbook and a bit of paediatrics and obsgyn here and there.

Vikram Chandra's Sacred Games has taken the main book spot on my desk, previously filled by Pretty Girl in Crimson Rose(8) , Jesus MD, Ian Rankin's A Good Hanging, Coughlin's No More Christian Nice Guy and Strobel's The Case for a Creator. Yes, I like reading. The latest Harry Potter installment will be next on the list, can't wait till Saturday.

Then there's my laptop, behind which is squidged all the other paraphernalia necessary to ensure my multimedia needs are satisfied. Speaking of which, my laptop is close to 3 years old and still running sound as a bell! HP Compaq isn't too bad a company to trust.

Clothes have never been a big part of me, though I admit to feeling a warm glow inside whenever someone says 'You don't look too bad yourself.' And I realised; I DO have a comb. Found it the other day wrapped up in a plastic bag along with other stuff that I didn't unpack for the year. So there, Jack. Now I just need to learn how to use it.

This blog is becoming more inward looking by the day.

The feeling of not knowing how the future will pan out.

Of keeping the faith yet still being nervous and doubtful.

Understanding the truth yet finding it hard to apply.

Of liking where I am but knowing I must move on.

In many ways, it would seem I've not grown up since the heady days of IMU.

Yet decisions wait to be made, a five-year mission remains unfulfilled, and at 23 years and counting, all I can come up with is

Another introspective post without much meaning and more than a little bad prose.


Finally, plans for today (cos even unstructured lives need planning):
Church first thing, then to a heavy lunch at the Red Lion. Home at 2 in time to catch the Wimbledon singles final (I'm behind Nadal all the way), then its mucking about on a paper till its time to try fruit crumble for dinner.

And for some reason the title doesnt seem to want to appear.

Watching Wimbledon

It's been a while since I spent so much time watching TV. Watching players like Marion Bartoli and Djokovic play against household names like Nadal and Williams was fun. It's been fun for me to support the underdog everytime there's a competition going on, and this Wimbledon seems to have been full of underdogs taking charge.

I feel like getting out on a court and hitting some balls now.

***

After watching the women's finals, I like the way the players leave the court, a long walk to the back of centre court, exiting through the open doors, for all the world like a couple of friends coming in for afternoon tea after a leisurely hit. Wimbledon certainly is different from every other competition out there.

Now for the men's tmrow.

You know that feeling you get

For those of us lucky enough to have a Christmas tree when we were younger, and presents under it to boot, you'll be familiar with that feeling. Waking up on Christmas morning, with all the promise of unopened delights waiting for you downstairs. You spend some time thinking about what you'll be getting. Would it be the toy you've been pining for since the beginning of the year, or would it turn out to be something else equally as exciting? (If it were me at this point, I'd be wanting something from the transformers line!)

Today, a random comment in church went: The word 'hope' brings to mind children waking up on Christmas morning.

That feeling...of knowing there'll be something waiting for you. You're not quite sure what it'll turn out to be, but that it'll be great nonetheless, because your parents only want you to have the best. It may not be what you longed for, but something totally new and different instead. But you know its there, just waiting for you to take it, unwrap and enjoy it.


"Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see." Heb 11:1

Wimbledon 2007

Wimbledon 2007 was an impulse decision on my part, to escape the long recriminating thoughts about how badly I'd done in my prior exams. A day of fun on the grass lawns of SW19 was in order. By a minor miracle, I managed to get cheap travel tickets, and found an unlikely hostel to stay in, and Tues morning found me at the back end of this:

The queue, I found, would wind in and out of Wimbledon Park and was close to, if not more than a km long. And they were serious affairs, these queues. Each of us was given a queue card noting our place in the queue and if we didn't empty our bladders before arriving, woe betide us, because it took us the better part of 4 hours before actually reaching the gate.

800 yards to go!

Wii....mbledon

After being cajoled into trying for Court 2 tickets, (Centre Court and Court 1 seemingly being snapped up by the brave folks who'd stayed overnight under and on top of newspapers and tents) I stepped into Wimbledon, the first thing I saw being:

V. Spadea and I. Ljubicic ( a name I still can't pronounce with a straight face) were scheduled to play first on Court 2, so that was something to look forward to. Meanwhile I met up with Jane and Jan Hoong, who had skipped audit and classes respectively to come.

We walked around the grounds. Housing 18 courts and two separate buildings housing Centre Court and Court 1 respectively, it had its own bank and 4 or 5 different places to eat. Strawberries and cream, champagne and Pimms' being out of our budget however, we trudged around, picking spots to return to later.

Centre Court - the south end

Around noon, I snuck away to Court 2, where I was fortunate enough to get a seat 3 rows away from the court.

Arriving early, I chatted with a friendly Indian chap sitting in front who had come yesterday, but was driven away by rain. Looking upwards, we convinced ourselves the good weather would last the day out.

After watching the ballboys/girls march out to take their positions, and seeing the net being measured and erected, Ljubicic marched out from the opposite side to great applause. Vince followed after, affably waving back to the crowd, a stark difference to Ljubicic, who, it seemed, was of a particularly stony disposition. Or perhaps he was getting ready for the match.

Ballgirls at attention

A tight match followed. Vince seemed a bit taken aback by the raw power of Ljubicic's serve and single-handed backhand, while not being able to fire himself up enough. After losing the first set 6-4, he tried to perk up a bit, with increasing crowd support, but still ended up losing the second set. Ljubicic, sensing victory, was on form and hitting winners past Vince every time the latter charged the net.

Spadea in action

The tide turned as Vince started to step into his shots, forcing himself to return Ljubicic's topspin serves on the rise. This saved him enough points to force a fourth set. Fired up, he came out firing and started holding his serve while attempting to break Ljubicic's almost-invincible service game. However, he was denied a few line calls by the umpire, whom he later suggested of being against him throughout the game. This break in concentration seemed to distract him just enough for Ljubicic to close out the final set after a nearly losing it at 4-6.

A comeback

Ljubicic after victory

Having wandered around to stretch my legs, I stayed for a set of David Nalbandian's game. My sister being more of a Nalbandian fan than I am, I decided it would make interesting storytelling. However, Venus William's match against Alla Kudryavtseva was coming up, so that took precedence.

Nalbandian in action

Court 2 was again full, with a crowd seeming to expect Williams to take apart her opponent. However the crowd was shushed by a first set loss by Williams against a girl who matched her stroke for stroke, and who made far fewer errors. Cries of "Go, V!" were heard as she took the second set. Line calls seemed again to decide the outcome of this match, when, as Alla led by 6-5 in the decider, she challenged the umpires and linesmen, shrugging her shoulders in the direction of her supporters. Venus managed a dodgy 7-6 win in the end.

Venus Williams getting ready

Wimbledon was my first time seeing scores of British get behind their countrymen and cher them on. The hill outside Centre Court was packed with people watching Tim Henman's marathon with Carlos Moya. More than one ferocious "Go it, Timbo!" was heard from an otherwise looking sweet-looking granny and the collective sigh when he lost a point was very well choreographed indeed. You can imagine the chaos that erupted when Moya double-faulted on match point.England unites to support Henman

When I have more money, more time and maybe someone else to go with (it gets boring standing in a queue alone), I'd like to return and see Centre Court for myself. All in all, Wimbledon 2007 will be one of the things I'll remember about the UK when I've left.

When Thursday comes

It will mean we have finished our written papers and the dreaded LOCAS...feared only because its our first exam where we'll be tested on real patients.

Then we can all breathe again...until Monday after, where we'll tackle our OSCEs, and hopefully, come out smiling at the end.

SCared,

Stressed,

yet

Hopeful

It's still cold

..
The amount of hair I'm pulling out on a daily basis is starting to get worrying, even for me. Trouble is, I don't realise I'm doing it at the time. At this rate, I hope I won't have to resit this paper, or i'll probably go totally bald.

Then I might never finish using up the Johnson's Baby Shampoo that I'm using now. Papaya flavour, or something like that.


*****

Not too long ago, David posted 'you know you're spending too much time in hospital if...'. Now, i'm not doing nearly as much work as those guys in US, but today I was searching around for a way to secure my unfinished biscuits.


So I suppose its a sign of too much time in my room cramming...I wish.

Weather's turned cold again

Which would make it brilliant to sleep in a bit longer in the mornings, were it not for exams.

One of those rainy days which makes you feel like nursing a hot mug of something and watching movies under a blanket. Exams make me want to do the weirdest things.

Made beer can chicken again today. Had to run to the hospital canteen to get brown sauce and salad cream, but everyone was full in the end.

Lord of The Rings on my laptop is keeping my spare time filled now, in between youtube.
Favourite bits include the siege scenes, the bit in the Mines of Moria and scenes involving Gimli and Legolas. Youtube, on the other hand, gives me a mix of comedy and drama, depending what I'm in the mood for. Old cartoons like the Dungeons and Dragons series and Scooby Doo keep my lunchtimes occupied, though catching the 10 or so pages of Anaesthesiology in Oxford Handbook took precedence today. Honestly hope not much anaesthesia comes out this time around.

'Patience', was what I got from this morning's reading of 1 Peter 4. Patience, indeed. Not just for exams, but for a whole new working of God, as long as I remain faithful.

And its time for another round of studying again! Funny how doing questions always makes it seem like you've not actually learnt much at all.

You just never know

What lies around the next bend in the road

What surprises the day has in store

What patients the examiners will have in store for us

How much time we have left

Whether the next person we talk to may be the last

Or for that person, we may be the last person he/she talks to

2 weeks to go

And as always, I'm beginning to feel that this may the time when I won't make it. Somehow it always seems to be a cycle - I've felt this way before every major exam I've sat for. Nevermind all the times when I've escaped unscathed or by the skin of my teeth, I'll still feel worried to bits the next time exams come around.

However, this is indeed the biggie, the one that stands between us and the right to have a prefix before our names. And hence my feeling of inadequacy - for as much as I know (and that in itself is pathetically frightening), there's always more to read, to memorise and to understand.

But the hours don't stop ticking down, and time does not wait for me to grow up. So its full steam ahead, trusting that a miracle will happen, just like every other time.

This is it...the biggie.

Year 4 Summative Exam 2007

Eligible students: A100-4, A101-3

Written Papers: Monday 18 and Tuesday 19 June

LOCAS: Wednesday 20 and Thursday 21 June

OSCEs: Friday 22 June to Friday 29 June

Results available (Spider): Monday 9 July 4.00 pm

Year 4 Summative Re-sit 2007

Eligible students: A100-4, A101-3

Written Papers: Wednesday 22 August

LOCAS: Tuesday 21 August

OSCEs: Monday 20 August (plus Tuesday 21 August if 50+ candidates)

Results available (Spider): Friday 24 August 4.00 pm

Federer vs Sampras

If I were back home around Nov this year, I'd want to watch this.

I'm going hiking!

Woohoo!

***

In a final bid to escape exam pressure 1 month before finals, a group of medical students decided to attempt the dangerous and death-defying ascent of one of the Western Lake District's most notorious heights: Blackcombe. At a terrifying 600 metres above sea-level, for many of us, this would test us physically as well as mentally.

Leaving a bright and early 830, we were joined by our GP and another, older GP who apparently did climbing just for fun despite being weighed down with rheumatoid arthritis (a joint disease). The first part went well, with a rocky path to the first hill.

The walk in the valley with a stream at the bottom was fairly easy, even for someone like me whose main exercise was the walk up 3 flights of stairs to Ward 6 daily.


Things took a turn for the worse as the climb became steeper. The group dwindled slowly, finally leaving this sad bunch of stragglers trailing behind.

With promises of a break 'after we reach the next ridge', only to be confronted by yet another hill, we trudged on. The views reminded us of how far we'd come, however.

And with a bit of hard work, we trudged onto the peak, where the others were there waiting. Besides the views, the sun was out and a breeze was blowing. Nice.

(From left: Dan, Adie, Ruth, Beth, Becky, Sharon, Rebecca, Steve and Rob behind. Matt in the jersey in front, Alex, Sarah and Natasha on the right)

(From left: Faz, Kofo, Chris, Hsupheen, Dr Richard and Dr Pogrell in front)

The view from the top..pity its a bit misty on the camera.

We'd made it. Now to the pub downhill for lunch and a pint.

Where we decided which dessert to have

And where others nursed their sunburns.

I wonder if I'm going to get any work done tonight... And I bet I'll have cramps first thing waking up tmrw morning.

Ever wondered what hell is like?

Living the dream

Dusty roads mean dusty shoes. When one can get them. Otherwise its just dusty feet. Which actually wouldn't matter so much, if every other part of your body is dusty. Hair not washed in weeks, mud-caked eyes you don't bother wiping away because they cake up in a matter of hours again. Nose half -blocked with snot from the cold at night, dried with the gusty winds that blow across the desert. The back of your throat dried up from the dust and parched from the lack of water. Muscles tired and fatigued from lack of nutrition and from having to walk to and fro from the water holes to the tents you call home.

To the average person, this would be torture. To you, it is a fact of life, just another day in the short life measured in half the span of normal adult years. What you wouldn't give for a cool drink, a cool bath lasting longer than a minute, a chance to wash behind your ears and clean, fresh and softly pressed clothes to wear. A meal that would leave you full instead of wishing for more.

A chance to get out of the circumstances surrounding your everyday life is unheard-of. If you were told 'there is more to life than this', you would probably laugh. For you, life is simply about survival.

Hundreds of miles away, a medical student contemplates the mountain of work before him, turns around and selects his Windows Media 11 playlist of choice on his laptop and sighs. "Why were exams ever created?"

GP Away Day

Our GP walking up the path

Sort of a surprise for us; after a morning at our GP, the whole practice went out for an afternoon to Clarence Hotel. An excuse for the students to present their long overdue audits, and a excuse to take the afternoon off.

A great lunch always lifts the mood for the rest of the day.

Outside House 2

Right now

...there are 4 girls who definitely NOT Spidey fans.

One of the things I'll definitely not forget about Barrow this year: Going to watch Spiderman 3 with 4 girls, none of whom are the least bit interested about the movie, apart from Sarah, who liked Tobey Maguire in Pleasantville.


Myself? I thought there were many unnecessary bits, including many cheesy dialogue scenes. Funny, definitely. Full of action, very much so. Epic? Not really. I recall walking out of Sunway still recalling scenes from Spiderman 2. Here I was moving around in my seat three quarters through (though Barrow's cineplex does have very little leg room).

To keep herself entertained, Rebecca kept up a running commentary throughout for our benefit:

'Why don't the two guys just kiss and get it over with?' - during a moment between Peter and Harry

'Why is it that Spiderman saves just one person, but destroys about 60 cars and wrecks half the town in the process, and people still cheer him on?'

'I'd like to kill Spiderman myself.'

'It was either I laugh or poke my eyes out. Since I didn't have a fork...'

After the film - 'I don't like Peter Parker. He spent half the movie crying...'


I wonder what watching 300 with girls would have been like.

Why don't they just kiss and get it over with?

Outside House

Hugh Laurie on the piano. Funny.

Confession is good for the soul

6 weeks to go. I don't generally whinge, but then again, its my blog and I can say what I want to (which is why I'm sure 90% of people blog in the first place!).

I'm stuck on a ward round facing questions by my cardiology consultant while others are busy whaling away at their books for the finals. Thats unfair. Thats also the good and the bad thing about getting busy medical rotations last thing in the year. Answering about 50% reliably and guessing my head off at the others, desperate to prove IMU didn't churn out failures.

Still having difficulties listening to the heart sounds with a stethoscope. Why can't people breathe less noisily? And why can't people on a busy ward make less noise so I can hear better?

Nearly gave someone a hematoma from venepuncture today. Still adjusting to the vacutainer system instead of the good old syringe and needle. Actually I'm just not getting enough practice. But its exams.....and its near the tail end of the year. My fault for not being proactive earlier I guess.

Talking to patients has gotten even harder. Knowing that I won't get 1 hour with each patient has made me more impatient with time. Not good for me, not good for the patients. Still when the guilt kicks in, I'm happy I still force myself to sit tight and listen.

Looking at Xrays has been getting easier since I've started going for the lunchtime radiology meetings. CTs and MRIs are still a headache though. I still have a book to read on the subject, but I think I'll hardly ever be able to get around to it.

Going through all the systems, trying to finish 2 weekly, the main problem, as with most medical students I know, is to recall what I've read the day before. That part of my brain hasn't developed very well it seems. I find it hard to recall, and this far into my education, when things start to pile up, and I'm supposed to know everything there is to know about medicine, its a bit troubling.

And as I type this, we've just finished a house party at our place, and my room smells of cigarette smoke. Cleaning up after everyone is no fun, either, though I suspect most people had an ok night. And we managed to surprise steve, which was the main point. Am looking forward to the bank holiday monday, which means a longer weekend to wind down and get work done.

Faz, Steve and 1/2 of Kofo

Snapshots

A hard days work

A night of bad taste

A celebration of new life

A discussion in Starbucks

A look at past frolics

maybe

the sun is shining, really.

the glass is really half full.

not everything people do is based on sneaky ulterior motives.

there really is a galaxy far, far away (cue John Williams soundtrack).

we were never really meant to learn how to fly.

politicians have just been misunderstood.

there is a method to the madness of this universe.

I'm just tired and cranky.

we just need to do good, instead of just thinking about it.

there is a point to life.

North England Easter Conference 2007

Apprehensive, unsure and even a little afraid.
On the other hand, cynical. I've been there before. And I know.
Nothing ever changes.
Most of the time.

Rush rush rush. Long wait. Rush rush rush.

Meeting of minds. Some expected, many unknown.
Maybe I don't know it all.

Guilt
Shy
Gratified
Laugh out loud

Old habits die hard.

New truths, some easier to absorb than others.

Eclectic construct, shrouded in deconstructionalistic verbiage, peppered with hermeneustic suspicions creating a sense of hyper-reality...
Merely quoting.

Hands raised now, with eyes still wide open.
Its different from the dream-like state I used to be in.
Seeing things clearly, being emotional while retaining objectivity.
Some say its impossible.

Meeting of minds. Finding connections. Malaysia, Singapore, KL, old friends back home.
Meeting of minds. Guilt. Rebuilding memories. Lack of connection produces wonder at new growth since the last meeting of minds.
Networking continues.

Green hills, white sheep, large expanse of grass and a cool breeze at our backs.
A leisurely walk and talk.
Photographs. We're Asians after all.
Two share easier than twenty. In a wide space, privacy can be maintained while still in sight of each other.
Surprise!
Interruption.

Tons of food producing post-meal sleepiness.

During the last night, angels rejoice.
Affirmation. Hugs all around.
Surprise!

The days when handing around books for autographs seems to have passed.
New connections made, old ones strengthened.
No high this time.
Prefer it that way, many echo.
Dare we say?
Back on the path. Renewed. Mostly.

Some unfinished business.

To the next meeting of the minds.

North, south, west, easter!

To those who recalled a certain CF poster-making effort back then, well done. You others, some things are better off unsaid.

Anyway, forward.

**

A young lad of about 23 wandered along the dusty alleyway. More dusty than usual. He looked down with some irritation.

"Rats, my sandal strap's gone loose again. That's the 3rd time this month!"

His steps turned towards the local shoemaker. Or sandalmaker, I should say. Shoes were still an unknown commodity then. And definitely NO platforms or high heels either. But I digress.

'What's up old man?'

'Why can't you be civil and say 'Shalom' like other folk do, John?'

The 'old man', barely a full decade older, looked up as the boy entered. Beckoning his servant to get the boy a towel for his feet, he began work on the offending sandal.

'So, what's the news? Town seems pretty quiet today.'

'Well, since you've been spending all week with your, ahem, girlfriend, you wouldn't know, would you?' A glint in the eye as he searched for a new strap.

"Not so fast there Zed. She's still, well, we're trying to sort out stuff. She said something though. Told me to go check out some guy in town for advice on 'matters of the heart' "
John looked up, remembering. "Who's this guy, anyway? Wasn't he from some small fishing village?"

"Nope. He's from Nazareth. Hell of a guy. Remember my sister's aunt's friend, I'm sure I've told you about her before." John shook his head, then nodded.

"Well, that guy from Nazareth healed her. She'd been bleeding for years and years, was just here asking for money to see another specialist just last month. And he cured her in ten minutes!"

"No kidding?" Thoughtful now, John looked up.

"That's not all. If you'd been here, you'd have seen him. Crowds of people following him around. The day he came into the city, it was like King David had returned, people were making so much noise. They even got out the palm branches, for goodness' sake. And you know how much cleaning up those take, not to mention how long we have to take regrowing all them palms."

The sandalmaker shifted slightly to get a better grip. A nail dropped on the floor.

"No need, I'll get it." John bent down and retrieved the nail. "So, is there any way I can meet him? Know where he's staying while he's in town?"

Pausing in his work, the sandalmaker shook his head.

"Thats the thing. they're taking him down today. He got on the wrong side of the Pharisees."

John furrowed his brows. "That doesn't sound right. You said he was popular with the people. So what, they're throwing him into prison?"

"No, they're going for the worst."

"What? The cross? What'd he do to deserve that?"

"No idea. Right, here's your shoe done." John reached over, his mind still in a whirl.

"Well, you going to stand there all day, or pay up?" John looked up at him, eyes coming into focus again. "Rats, I left my coppers in another tunic."

Before the sandalmaker could reply, the candle flickered, and went out. John looked up, suddenly noticing how much darker the room had become. Weird, it was still the middle of the year. He went to the door and looked out.

"It's not supposed to be this dark. It's only the sixth hour, isn't it?" The sandalmaker was too busy getting more candles to reply. Didn't need them though, as the darkness passed after a few minutes.

"Weird. Anyway, here's your sandal. Don't forget to pay up."

"Thanks. Pity about the guy who got killed. Wish I could've met him."

"Yup I know. I'd have a thing or two to ask him myself."

**

You know what's really weird? How the supernatural can take place amidst the natural without people taking notice.

Relaxing

Who needs a nice snowy mountain?

Is a sunset beach really necessary?

Its been a while since I've been able to pop on the sofa with a book on a nice breezy afternoon and drop off to sleep without feeling guilty.

I like holidays.

Just one of those things

I've been meaning to post this for some time, but have always felt inadequate to do so. A bit hypocritical, really. Its just that one of the questions I get asked most concerning Christianity is: 'why do you go to church?' or some variant of that like 'whats the singing bit at the start of a church service all about?'

And when I reply something about 'worshipping' I get a nonplussed look.

Anyway, about this post: Based on a talk about 'worship' in Spring Mount the week before mock exams. I took a few notes. Excuse the mushiness; none implied but some may be misinterpreted


What is worship?

Worship is throwing our arms around and saying ' I love you'

Worship is drawing near enough to kiss

Worship is holding on to the reality that God, despite my circumstances, is still God and worthy of praise

Worship is being constantly aware of God and what He is doing, and responding appropriately

Worship coming from the word 'worth' -
what worth are we ascribing to God, if we are not moved in the least?


The worship we see in church - the singing of songs and lifting of hands, is a small part of the whole word. Worship - the act of acknowledging that God is above all is part of every Christian's life, whether busy taking histories from patients, or while out playing frisbee. For if God is really that big, that would be worth mentioning.

I had never noticed that all enjoyment spontaneously overflows into praise...

The world rings with praise...Lovers praising their mistresses, readers their favourite poet, walkers praising the countryside....

I had not noticed either that just as men spontaneously praise whatever they value, so they spontaneously urge us to join them in praising it.

"Isn't she lovely?" "Wasn't it glorious?"

The Psalmists, in telling everyone to praise God are doing what all men do when they speak of what they care about...

C.S.Lewis (late author of the Chronicles of Narnia)

While I was

Browsing youtube for the sake of doing something just so I didn't have to be studying, I stumbled across videos of a guy playing christian songs on his guitar. Got so caught up with learning new chords that before I knew it, the magic hour 10pm was upon me. The hour that I know if I haven't done any work at all by, I'd feel pretty guilty.

Anyway, before I stumble off unwillingly, here's something else I found:





It's finally happening; the long-awaited follow-up to Revelation by 1a.m. If you're back home in April, this is one event you should go to. We're talking divine stuff here k. They're really friendly people too, which helps! :-)

Rom 11:22

'Consider, therefore the kindness and sternness of God; sternness to those who fell, but kindness to you, provided that you continue in His kindness. Otherwise, you also will be cut off.'

Romans 11:22

The apostle Paul is speaking to the Jews in Rome of their salvation, the fact that God chose them, the Jews, to be His chosen people. The same salvation that was also extended to the non-Jews, or Gentiles was a matter of some dispute, which Paul wanted to address. In this passage, however, a warning seems to be sounded to both groups of people.

Paul seems to break God down into being kind or stern here. To both Jew and Gentile, God issues a warning of the consequences of a life spent without involving Him at all. Having read this and countless other warnings in various parts of the Bible, sometimes I'm not surprised that many people see God as

someone who forces people to make a decision that:

1. they don't want to make.

2. they don't see the need to make.

Whereas few grasp the fact that God has made the decision easier for us, by going some way to investing Himself into the process. Where many see God as the 'enforcer' of such decisions, even fewer see Him as the saviour; the one offering a solution to the problem.


In light of this, the verse above seems not so much a rebuke, or even a warning to us. Rather an earnest hope expressed by our Father.

'Consider...'

Day 5

Forgot to take my camera out as I slept before dinner. Had 2 hours of tennis which wore me out no end today. Plus the realisation that I'm not studying enough made me a bit desperate.

Anyway, tonight's dish saw a 2 course meal, starting off with breast of chicken stuffed with herbed cheese and wrapped in a rasher of bacon. It would have made a nice photo, especially since I recall we didn't use any of the floral plates Jeng and Ling were talking about (they're hospital plates btw, not ours).

Dessert was bread pudding with double cream. The downside is we have half a pot of unused double cream now sitting in the fridge, with a short half-life. I'm open to suggestions as to how we should dispose of it.

Day 4

French onion soup and Thai pork toasts were the order of the day today. However they failed on a number of levels: the onion soup was a bit too salty probably due to the beef stock being inadequately prepared. Possibly the lack of wine helped out there too. And the pork was a loser from the start due to the fact that we only had minced beef to play with.

I was quite happy with the softiness of the onions, however, and I made so much beef toasts that I'll be eating them all the way into tmrw at least.

Day 3

Ed managed to up the ante today with Chicken Kiev. Describing it to us as we ate, he apparently rolled up a cut-open chicken breast with frozen butter flavoured with garlic and other stuff. Then dipped it successively into egg, breadcrumbs and left it in the oven. No mess, no fuss. The kitchen was relatively clean when I looked so that was good news for me. Less stuff to clean up. I think we're doing pretty well so far.

Day 2

Today was a masterpiece. HP came up with a so-called 30 min recipe consisting of baked salmon with rosemary, with an accompaniment of asparagus and lemon drizzle. Roast pots on the side completed the dish.

1 hour plus plus later, dinner was served. And though a stray plate of fried rice stole its way onto the table, all of us knew the bar was raised for the week.

Day 1

The short and long of it: The 3 of us Chinese flatmates have decided to go a week without using any rice in our cooking. Why? Just to prove to ourselves that we can, really.

I started the ball rolling with grand plans to make Welsh rarebit.

Trouble was, I hadn't planned ahead, and when I found out Welsh rarebit was more a supper dish than a substantial dinner, I realised I had to come up with something else. Reasoning that Welsh rarebit involved utilising some beer, I decided to use the rest of the beer with some leftover casserole pork that we had lying around.

Remembering that we had some lettuce that was going bad, I decided to make a salad using some carrots and fried breadcrumbs.Narrowly missing burning the toast and cheese under the grill (which is what Welsh rarebit basically is), I served dinner with lettuce, pasta and beer pork about 1 and a half hours after starting.

Overall, it was a pretty poor start to the week, but because everyone had waited so long for dinner,everything got finished up all right.

OMG

My cousin can always be depended upon to come up with brilliant recipes for something or other...however (bad culinary pun incoming) this has to take the cake!

Check out a recipe for badger stew.

Medicine

Last 2 weeks was easily the busiest I've been since coming to the UK. I finally started Medical rotations with the forewarning by HP and Ed that this would be the fun-nest and also busiest rotation of the year. Which is not good news as it stretches out all the way to exams in June....have to keep on my toes, and blog less, possibly.

So there I was, starting with Rheumatology for 2 weeks. Simply put, it was a lot of fun, plenty of gripping moments where I had to decide on the management of MY patient: what tests to do/order, whether I'd missed out anything important before deciding someone was fit to be discharged, interspersed with moments of boredom on looonnnnggg ward rounds.

Things I've particularly enjoyed:

- Finally getting a successful cannula in a patient(!)
- Having the responsibility of managing a patient (well, within limits) in the admissions unit
- Getting used to venepuncture and examining patients
- Brushing up on my Xray, ECG readings and interpretation of blood test results
- Presenting cases, being quizzed about my patient
- Having docs who write "Thank you John" in their notes after a successful clerk-in (ego boost!)

Things I could do less with:

- The responsibility wave that comes crashing down when you wonder if a patient you discharged is actually fit for discharge, even after senior review.
- The realisation that once my name is signed on a test result, case notes, etc means I have been recorded as having participated in the care of this patient, and if something were to go horribly wrong....
- Realising I still have a long way to go to build up my stamina for long days and the ability to make critical decisions even at 6pm after being in since the morning.

Things go downhill a bit from here I'm told, due to the fact that the team I was with gets their students involved the most. Was fun while it lasted though. Back to the books for now, however.

Not everyone is having a good day

"Blessed is He whose help is the God of Jacob, whose hope is in the Lord his God" Ps 146: 5

Though things get rough, they could always be rougher and this would still be true.

"When hope is lost I'll call you saviour,
When pain surrounds, I'll call you healer,
When silence falls,
You'll be the song within my heart."

I'm normal

6 weird things about me, then tag 6 other people to do the same.

I think I'm pretty normal however. Nothing interesting about this boy in particular. In fact, after reading about Jack's deformities, all I can come up with are

1. My deformed jaw. In fact, it's best shown in my side profile:

In fact, when you look at me from the front, and take a few moments to appreciate my teeth and how gloriously white they are, you'll notice that my upper set of teeth settle far behind my lower set of teeth, like so.


This gives me the appearance of a constant pout. And a very ugly pout at that. This jaw apparently is known as an 'overbite' and is a dental condition that can only be corrected by surgery. If at some point in future I become sufficiently interested in joining America's Next Top Model, I will have to let some orthodontist drill into, and cut out bits of my jaw in order to bring the upper and lower jaws back into their normal position. For now however, I rest in the knowledge that, should I ever enter a head-on collision with something, my jaw will give me plenty of warning before any other part of my face gets hit.


2. Maybe due to my jaw, my second claim to fame is my constant blowing air upwards towards my hair. I'm still not really sure why I do this. One theory is that it was a way to keep my hair from falling over my eyes way back, before I succumbed to water-based hair gels. My only consolation is that I don't do it so often now. Only when I'm alone.


3. I pull at my hair.

Especially when I'm stressed/thinking/when I have absolutely nothing to do. Again, I have no idea where this came from, but its a habit that has stuck with me since secondary school. I have fond memories of friends assigned to hit me hard every time I pulled at my hair way back when I was in Sitiawan. The amount of hair that I pull out on a daily basis is frightening, even to me. Leading to my friends' and family's predictions that I will be bald before I turn 40.

And scarily, I still do it. Right before exams, and even during exams. And considering I'm among the minority of people my age to still be studying and not working, it means I'll go on doing it for a while yet. Actually, come to think of it, I will probably carry it on even when I'm working.

Can't do it when I'm in a operating theatre though. Which leads me to believe I'll never make a surgeon. Imagine being stressed out in the middle of a operation, but not being able to pull at my hair!


4. I tend to swallow air down my esophagus, and burp it silently to myself. Well, sometimes not that silently, and people have scolded me for making 'funny noises' before. Funnily enough, I've discovered there's actually a medical term to this: aerophagia, which literally means swallowing air. I tend to be able to control this to a great extent now though, thankfully.


5. I'm really scraping the bottom of the barrel for weird thing to talk about now, so I'll mention the way my head tilts to one side when I think I'm looking straight ahead. Like in the photo I think I'm looking straight, but actually:

My head's tilted to the left.

I first noticed this when I was marching in my school military band way back in secondary school. We were standing at attention when a senior came up to me and barked "Stand straight boy!" I replied I was, and he said no your head is crooked, or words to that effect. And I've lived with it ever since. Talk about stigma.


6. I've run out of weird things body-wise. So I'll end by saying I'm scared of spiders. Especially the ones with furry legs. I think thats just wrong.



People I would like to tag:
1. David Yu
2. Edward
3. Siew Lee
4. Philip Ong
5. Shawn Kong
6. Chik Ian

'Everyone's normal, some are just more normal than others' - Anonymous

Happy Year of the Pig

Or boar, which I think sounds more polite.

Chinese New Year for me brings to mind huge family gatherings, specifically on my mum's side. When I was younger, and all my cousins were still in Malaysia, we'd all meet up in my grandma's place in Ayer Tawar. The days would be filled with visits from family friends, the nights with lighting fireworks and doing our best to add to the din from the houses around. Later on, late nights were spent telling ghost stories before the adults came up to bed.

This was before everyone grew up and moved to NZ, Aus, UK etc etc. Although we did manage to have one last gathering a couple of years ago. Definitely the weirdest CNY ever, that year when we met after not having seen each other for ages all together. Made even weirder when our CNY dinner consisted of a mix of nasi lemak and soft shelled crabs and sotong, and when all of us cousins dragged the adults to a after dinner game of bowling and indoor football.

This year, CNY is, by personal choice, a quiet weekend in Barrow-In-Furness. And when I think of it, rejoining my family for CNY is going to be harder than ever in the coming years. Still hopeful for another get-together within the next decade, though.

I've realised

That I'm still not very good at picking up pathology on clinical examinations. Missed easy things like koilonychia and abdominal masses. Hoping that practice really makes perfect.

How crappy I am at looking into people's ears. When I think I can see ossicles (ear bones), others actually see the big mass of wax blocking any possible view elsewhere.

That I still suck at making decisions. Some things don't really change.

That I'm developing into a stay-at-home guy. Nothing beats having my room to come back to.

How much I miss music. As in playing it. On a piano.

I don't really take very good care of myself. Still refusing to stoop to multivitamins though.

My interests are slowly being limited to my laptop.

That I have no idea what's happening with my church back in Liverpool. I bet they're still surviving, though.

I need to start studying seriously. Seriously.

I haven't finished reading the Case for the Creator, almost 6 months after I'd bought it. Tht's definitely a record.

That its possible for others to see me in a totally different way than what I'd expect. And that I would have absolutely no clue they were thinking that way.

That along with the previous statement, honesty and openness is something precious. Or maybe it seems that way because it appears so rarely.

That I don't always make sense with these blog posts.

That it doesn't really matter anyway what people think. (wow thats a first)

That I'm grateful for friends who track me down after having lost contact with them for years. Wish I could do the same.

As much as I seek to mix around with others, I still feel comfortable with Malaysians (yes Steve, call me rascist).

Moving on

This is the most anatomy I've done in a while...looking at all the different structures in the head and neck: reminds me of how much I've forgotten since IMU. Piriform fossa? The only thing I recalled about that is its where fish bones can get stuck sometimes. All the different neck tumours needs a bit more reading up before bedtime tonight as well.

Currently am reading Labyrinth by Kate Mosse which I'm devouring bit by bit in my free time. Note to self: Next Christmas sale must look out for a cheap bedside lamp. Its another of a list of books which I've 'borrowed' from my GP and which they don't seem to miss. Weaving a tale of conspiracy through the middle ages to the present, its not much different from the current crop of thrillers, but the main characters all being women, makes it a refreshing read. No male muscling out of problems this time around!

Also reading Psalms 119 equally slowly. Centering on why God's message (eg the Bible) is such a big deal, it mirrors the life of an average person striving to be faithful. Picking truths out of it isn't as hard as from some other books I find; a 10 min breather before starting a hospital day pretty refreshing over a hot mug of coffee.

Back to the books.