Pride

From the book "The Final Quest" by Rick Joyner (Whitaker House, 1997, pgs. 53-55)

'I was pondering how I was learning as much by descending the mountain as I had by climbing it when the noise from the battlefield drew my attention. By now there were thousands of the mighty warriors who had crossed the plain to attack the remnant of the enemy horde. The enemy was fleeing in all directions, except for the one division, Pride.

Completely undetected, it had marched right up to the rear of the advancing warriors, and was about to release a hail of arrows. It was then that I noticed the mighty warriors had no armor on their backsides. They were totally exposed and vulnerable to what was about to hit them.

Wisdom then remarked, "You have taught that there was no armor for the backside, which meant that you were vulnerable if you ran from the enemy. However, you never saw how advancing in pride also made you vulnerable."

I could only nod in acknowledgement. It was too late to do anything, and it was almost unbearable to watch, but Wisdom said I must. I knew that the kingdom of God was about to suffer a major defeat. I had felt sorrow before, but I had never felt this kind of sorrow. To my amazement, when the arrows of pride struck the warriors they did not even notice. However, the enemy kept shooting. The warriors were bleeding and getting weaker fast, but they would not acknowledge it. Soon they were too weak to hold up their shields and swords; they cast them down, declaring that they no longer needed them. They started taking off their armor, saying it was not needed anymore either.

Then another enemy division appeared and moved up swiftly. It was called Strong Delusion. Its members released a hail of arrows and they all seemed to hit their mark. Just a few of the demons of delusion, who were all small and seemingly weak, led away this once great army of glorious warriors. They were taken to different prison camps, each named after a different doctrine of demons.'

Bold letters mine.

From my mailbox

My cousin has a band! How cool is that??

Just received 4 tracks today in the mail...not something I see every day.. If so inclined, check them out here.

They are a french band with elements of rock...the full intro to the band is on the site.

Scotland

Salem advert

I think Scottish people are nice, on the whole. Though they must have wondered a bit whe 6 chinesy-looking dudes watlzed into their territory and started taking pictures of everything, doing weird stuff all the while.

I think Scottish scenery is nice too. I must have taken more photos here than anywhere else, and I wish I had a Canon with a faster shutter speed and night vision with me(yes Alex, its the camera's problem). There were just so many wow moments especially during the earlier part of the trip before we became immune to them. Talk about an intelligent and purposeful Creator!

Scottish food, aside from the the fried Mars bars, we tried haggis as well. Jack had his salmon whiile the rest ate beef and venison. Other than that, it was sandwiches all the way; we were on a road trip, after all.

Things I enjoyed particularly: meeting up with the Dundonians, the Edinburghers, and the Glaswegians, playing Dota with Alex, Bobby, Jack and Ed, tasting wines made from local herbs and fruits, a summer snowball fight on the slopes of the Nevis Range, Dunwegan Castle, Easter Service in DCCF(Aiky's church in dundee), rolling down Arthur's Seat, Agne's tiramisu in Glasgow, seeing the Glenfinnan Viaduct featured in the Harry Potter movies(where the train goes to Hogwarts), getting firsthand info on how to use a Highland dirk, pistol and blunderbuss and laughing at each other in the car all the way aroudn Scotland.

Thank God we got back safely. Most of the photos are gonna be on my Multiply site. Will only limit myself to a few here.

In 9 Castle with friends

The winner of the British Open Golf tournament stands on this bridge with his trophy

A loch and a castle

All ready to go

Something I Thought About

"This is the true joy of life: the being used up for a purpose recognised by yourself as a mighty one; being a force of nature instead of a feverish, selfish little clot of ailments and grievances, complaining that the world will not devote itself to making you happy."-George Bernard Shaw

Gosh, can I say that of myself honestly? And to whoever's reading this, if you knew me before, what would you say the driving force of my life is? I'd like to hear your honest comments. Don't worry, I won't bite:-) Really.

If this sounds familiar, it's cause I'm starting Purpose Driven Life from day 1. Would you believe I never got around to finishing it?

I know its late

A group of molecules, coming together at just the right time and temperature, with just the right amount of nutrients, all while remaining in an unstable world, made up a cell. This cell would grow and multiply, while fires crashed around it, during the cold winters and the extreme temperatures of the unstable planet called Earth. Grow and multiply into a multi-celled organism. Which as time went on, would become accustomed to living in the water. It would grow bigger and eventually evolve lungs so as to be able to live on land. And once on land, it would grow legs fit to carry and support its weight without the bouyancy effect of water to help it. And from four legs to two, from claws and pincers to arms and hands. From a cold creature of the deeps, to a warm-blooded mammal, soon to form the ability to communicate with each other in grunts. And as time grew on, would learn to make inteligible noises, discover it had a brain, learn to count and make fire, to kill each other rather than other animals for food. To grow up from living in caves to trees to communities to huts, sheds, houses, towns and cities. Till the day came when the word 'human' was first used to describe him. Humanity, from a chance collision of molecules, was created by a lucky accident.

***

A human body(according to the Full Metal Alchemist) is made out of 35L of water, 20kg of carbon, 4L of ammonia, 1.5kg of lime, 800g of phosphorus, 250g of salt, 100g of saltpetre,80g of sulphur, 7.5g of fluorine, 5g of iron, 3g of silicon, and trace amounts of 15 other elements. It was formed out of those components exactly, all of which were found in the composition of Earth. And it was introduced into an environment which was just right for it, having just enough oxygen, carbon dioxide and hydrogen for it to breathe normally without any toxic effects. All it needed to survive; air, water, warmth and light, were there in abundance, yet not in overabundance so as to be harmful to it. And as a final touch, humans were made male and female to provide the missing link: companionship. Humanity was planned in advance, the conditions around were ready to support its life when it was created.

***
As two friends turn older, and approach that period of life where responsibilities come flooding in, it's easy to forget our origins and be overwhelmed by all that we need to do and to be. Different people will have different views, but if we're planned in advance, we also have a purpose. For isn't that why plans are made in the first place? To fulfil a purpose?

SO Ian and Raymond, ex-ECF mates, disciplers, soon-to-be medic colleagues and brothers-in-Christ, my prayer is that your purpose; what you were created for, will be made clearer to you in the year to come. Have a good 2006/7!

Haha am spending the last hour before my last paper blogging. Why? Cos its a mock exam. Cos I know it's gonna be hard. And cos I've found out what I've been doing wrong all this while.

Finals will be a different story, God willing.

And Thanks for making me humble again....I really have got a long way to go.

All Things New

It's a verse in a Bible, immortalized in a Steven Curtis Chapman song. It's also very very true.

My Sunday mornings are something like this:

Woke up, at 8am by alarm, slept till 9am. Made a cup of coffee from my fast dwindling stock of Ipoh White Coffee and did the day's chapter on Experiencing God(courtesy of Bern). At 9.30, Ed says Wilson is coming to pick us up for church, which he does. Along the way, we see various other ppl walking, and end up with picking Ben, Julia and reaching church just as Erik leads the congregation in "Blessed Be Your Name". As 7 of us pile into church, the pastor, John Isherwood greets us and TaiBo who's on drums flashes a grin at us.

The songs are all familiar today, and for the first time in a while, I'm near the front, singing my heart out to a God who listens, and speaks right back to me. During the song "There Is None Like You", the thought just comes unbidden to me; truly, there is no one that touches me like how God does. As I look back, the times I've cried, the times I've doubted, the times I've felt His comfort so palpably, the times I've been driven to trusting Him in order to move forward, the times I've been open and honest, have all been with Him. No one else in my life has shared ALL these emotions with me, or has been with me throughout them all. Truly He's worth the long hard search.

Later, as John Isherwood speaks on prayer and Luke 11:1-13, I start making notes to make sure I don't fall asleep. He asks us to think for a moment that prayer is like breathing. He then goes on to say that the Greek word for 'breath' is the same as 'spirit', as in the Holy Spirit. And if the Holy Spirit is in each one of us, addressing Him should be like breathing, and as regularly. Another truth comes to light. He goes on to mention Daniel, whose prayer of thanksgiving caused him to be put in danger(Daniel6:10) and Jabez, whose boldness in prayer was given honourable mention in the Bible(1 Chron 4:9).

As the service ends, I cannot help feeling refreshed, despite the fact I have exams tomorrow, that things didn't go the way I expected a few days ago.

"Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness." Lamentations 3:22-23

I am angry

Dithered a bit on writing this post but decided to do it cos will be feeling the aftereffects for at least tmrw as well. And all in the name of being honest rite?

I am bloddy angry. Or well angry, as they call it here.

Angry because? Well, that things didn't go the way I thought it would go, that the message didn't get through, that certain things were not explained, that so many things seemed left to chance, that loose ends were not tied up and that basically, things could have been so much better.

Yup thats probably why i'm feeling this way. Cos we are capable of so much better than this. with a little bit more planning, a little bit more explaining, a LOT more prayer, a....

Frustrated, so much so i'm having to retype so much just to get my words legible. Physical frustration knowing what could have been, and what actually happened.

Oh i know the solution....that things turned out according to God's plan, that the seeds were planted. Sometimes though, i wonder if thats not just an excuse to cover our asses and not admit that Yes, a bit more care and planning and communication would have gone a long way. Till i remember that:

I am part of the team involved

I am also to blame for my forgetfulness

I am to blame for not waking up to the fact that distractions (Satan the opportunity taker) were occurring and

Not doing my bit to stand in unity with everyone

But instead admit defeat, looking at how things were going

And at the end, knowing I had the chance/ability/choice to make things better.

So in the end, with all the above, I'm also very very very angry with myself.

arrgh

Hope

A running DOTA fight in between towers. 5vs5, -ar, mid-game and the first blood's just been called. Drow ranger, treant protector and Omni are defending against lich, Axe, Mortred and Shadow fiend, but are being pushed back due to the ranged frost attacks of the Lich and superior numbers on the Scourge side. Treant protector uses his last bit of mana to activate shields for himself and Omniknight while Drow ranger holds off the Lich with her arrows to cover the retreat. They are halfway back when suddenly words appear onscreen "Zeus and Chen missing watch your back" The two aforementioned heroes, Zeus the Lord of Olympia and Chen the Holy Knight burst from a clump of trees and bear down on Lich, and Shadow Fiend. In a second, Chen converts a group of creeps and Zeus brings down Lich and Axe to half health. Mortred has disappeared and shadow fiend is retreating. The tide has turned.

**

Seeing 2 out of 3 go wrong isn't bad, but when you're writing case notes for a SHO in the emergency room, you really do want to get all the patient's details down. I've sat with the patient and got as much info out of her as I thought I should need, but when the doc asks me, I am struck dumb. Why didn't I think of that? comes to mind fairly frequently. Humbled, I go ask the patient a few times more before getting an "OK" from the SHO who then, to my uttermost surprise, proceeds to discuss the case with me and how she should be managed. Finally, he types out a prescription and hands it to me. "Er.." I hesitate. "Go on, she's your patient isn't she?" the SHO says with a wink. Wow. He must have remembered what being a medical student was like.

**

Down in the beleaguered city of Gondor, knights cowered in fear as flames broke out through the city. Only a few were left shooting at the massed ranks of orcs surrounding the city. Even as more siege towers were hauled into place, the ancient creature's head, Grond, was being brought to bear on the city gate. Fire burned in its mouth, and cave trolls wielded it. They swung once, but the gates of iron and the posts of steel withstood the blow. Then the Witch-King uttered words from some long-forgotten tongue and Grond swung again. The gates shivered and fell at the third stroke. Under that hallowed archway, where no enemy had passed for over a hundred years, rode the Witch-King. In the courtyard, a single figure awaited. Gandalf upon Shadowfax, who alone of the Free horses of the world could stand the terror that awaited. As the Witch-King raised his hand to strike, a cock crowed from some nearby henhouse, caring nothing for the war, but only welcoming the breaking of day. And at that moment, as if in answer, horns blew wildly and fiercely in the east. Rohan had come at last.

**

Huddled in an upper room not far from Gethsemane, five dishevelled people tried to make sense of what had just happened. They'd just been woken from sleep to see their master being arrested and taken off. Peter was the only one to put up a fight, but even then, Jesus had stopped him before he did any real harm. Only now did they recall Jesus' words when he said he would be betrayed and handed over to his enemies. They looked back to the last dinner they had together, and shuddered when they recalled Jesus talking about 'his body being broken'.

Later, as they were told about Jesus and how he suffered at the hands of the soldiers, some struggled to make the connection. Didn't he just come into the city yesterday where the crowds welcomed him like a war hero? Others were slightly more optimistic. "Maybe it's one of his miracles. He's going to save himself somehow, and make all the authorities look silly as usual. You wait and see."

Everyone was shocked, however, when they heard from Peter and John that Jesus was really dead. Peter could hardly speak, it was obvious he felt guilty, but John sorrowfully gave his account. Everyone flinched as he described how the soldier thrust his spear into Jesus' side at the end, to make sure of his death. There was a stunned silence when John finished speaking. No one really knew what to do after that. A few thought of going back to their former jobs, but the rest were still in shock.

The next morning, everyone tried to muster up the strength to eat something. Some had already left during the night, but most of the disciples were still there. Someone said "You know how he would always pray every morning, all by himself?" Then the door burst open and 2 excited men came running in. In breathless tones they described how they'd been talking to a man who'd explained the Scriptures to them, and who they thought was Jesus!

'While they were still talking about this, Jesus himself stood among them and said to them, "Peace be with you." They were startled and frightened, thinking they saw a ghost. He said to them, "Why are you troubled, and why do doubts rise in your minds? Look at my hands and my feet. It is I myself! Touch me and see; a ghost does not have flesh and bones, as you see I have." Luke24:36-39

**

In the midst of studying for my exam(which i really should be doing, and will get back to soon), i thot of writing about hope, so often understated in a world where pessimism seems to be gaining the upper hand, and where a hope for something better seems more and more a child's pipe dream better left behind as one gets older.

"And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love."
1Cor 13;13

*from a fictional game of DOTA, a posting to the ER, a book called the Lord of The Rings, which I had no time to find the original text of(don't sue me please), and the Bible with my own modifications on what the disciples might have done.*

Truth

Recently I've been reminded again and again how little I know about the world around. Do fish drink water? What does TOG measure? Has anyone looked for Noah's Ark? And on and on. With that in mind, have been driven to looking up online encyclopedias daily, looking for random entries that catch my eye. It's a lot better than spending 2 hours on DOTA in btw studying! Btw, had no idea the original DOTA map was designed by Eul, and that there's a secret involving missing frogs from one version of the game. But I digress.

In between looking through all these scraps, was again confronted with that immortal line by Pilate.."What is truth?" Of course, he said it in Latin(right?) and with old script fonts and all. My el cheapo answer off the top of my tongue, would be "God". And till now, I would think that would be the truth indeed. But looking at the different versions of stuff, and reading graceY's entry a few posts back, I've come to the conclusion I need to look harder, sift more, think harder, and accept less without comparing it to God's Word first. Of course, there are those that would say God also is on trial, that His truth isn't er....true. To those, then, I'd invite you on a journey of discovering the ultimate truth and ask that you consider a simple fact first:

Everyone believes in something, whether it's God, karma or oblivion. In the search for truth, none can claim to be truly objective and free from bias.

2 years to go till I graduate, and medical ethics remains a closed book.. sigh.

Notes From Liverpool

It's 2 weeks to exams, and all of us are finally buckling our seatbelts as we enter into working mode.. However I just spent the afternoon and most of last night looking for acoomodation on scotland.. A ton of paeds to read thru, plus the ever present ssm project hovering in the background..

Recently was challenged in the area(among others) of living victoriously. Every week when we meet up to encourage each other, ( for those of us that do come..) the prevailing theme seems to be everyone's tired out, everyone's stressed, everyone's finding it hard to keep everything together and serve God at the same time. Usually ends with Julia sharing lots and the rest of us listening. Its as if theres a loop that we are running. Plenty of times we think we break through, but next week at the meeting finds us about the same again. Didn't I go thru this back in IMU as well?

"For God did not give us a spirit of fear, but the spirit of Sonship" "...and I will be with you always, to the very end of the age." "But you will be filled with power when the Holy Spirit comes on you..." "Do not be afraid because you are young, but be an example to others.." "Be still and know that I am God."

Thoughts like these really show me that there is only one way to go; fully depending on God to provide the strength and the grace to press on. No matter how heavy project work gets, or how people around us respond to our best efforts, the old MYF theme still holds true "Christ Above All". As I write this, I find that one of my reasons for this post is accountability. At least you guys reading this know what to keep me in prayer for now, instead of just being busy:-)


Things I have done over the last few weeks:
- Play frisbee on Saturdays, thereby finding out my stamina level has decreased to that of a couch potato which has been parboiled and steamed after!
- Watched a musical in the Empire Theatre, thereby being wowed by the coordination of the music, singing and dancing. It was 'My Fair Lady' and it was worth the watch.
- Finally finished my longlasting CTM project after another visit to the dear old library. Better not speak too soon..
- Disney revival where I downloaded(hmm) 60+ disney songs and listned to them over and over again. Some of them I didn't even know were disney songs! Benny, if you're reading this: I can challenge you already!
- Star Wars revival(gosh i sound deprived) where I downloaded the original trilogy and the return of the sith plus the cartoon series of The Clone Wars which I seriously think was well drawn and advanced the storyline well.
- Forgot to pay my uni fees, thus resulting in a painful loss of 38 pds, thereby showing I have a long way to go in terms of being financially indpendent and responsible.
- Made my own personal snowman, a lifetime dream only made possible by a freak snowfall, the last big one, which occurred a month b4 summer! Also a snowball fight, in which i nearly lost my spectacles.
- Carlsberg chicken anyone?

And to finish, random quotes while cooking in church to raise funds for a camp last weekend..

"Everyone says its better to be Mary than Martha*, but without Martha, everyone would have just gone hungry"

"When we are too busy to pray, we are too busy."

"Some people pray only when they're in trouble. Maybe that's why they're in trouble."

"Heart of Worship( the song) being based on Amos 5"

"What do you get when you cross maize with porridge?"
"Corny 'chouk'(porridge in chinese) as in corny joke" (not by me...a law student no less!)


*Mary and Martha were 2 women in the bible. Mary took time to listen to Jesus, and Martha made herself busy preparing food etc and didn't take time to be with Jesus when he came to visit them.

On A Happier Note

And for those from a warmer climate, look what we woke up to today! Being the normal grumpy self after sleep, I didn't notice till hsupheen squealed.

agnes jones in the snow.

Though 2 months late in coming, snow is always welcome...Didn't have time for a fight or a snowman though, as we were rushing for a session with out gp tutor.

From the other side

It feels weird to be writing this, particularly as I have been on the other side of the fence before. Having been in a leadership position before and now being a member of the CU in the UK, I am able to see things from 'down below' so to speak.

Things like coming for meetings and events, praying for ppl and activities, the whole idea of vision and purpose seems somehow less urgent and far away. The idea that CU is a united body of Christ doesn't seem to make sense when I go and find it so hard to talk to ppl, having to initiate conversations that are really inane sometimes. Doesn't make it easier that most of the people seem to know each other, leaving me most of the time standing around wondering whom to talk to next...mayb someone who doesn't look like they're having fun talking to others, and can be bothered to talk to That Asian Guy(well don't look at me that way, it feels that way sometimes).

Granted, I do have a few ppl that I know(after half a year, i'd better have!) and that i generally run to after CU meetings to talk to, but I wonder, is it really this hard for a newcomer to feel loved and accepted?

I guess I really came to realise this after not attending a meeting which turned out to be the AGM and getting an email from the president to the effect that the AGM turned out unofficial cos less than half the members turned up. It ended with a call to consider our membership if we were among the absentees and to genuinely think about whether we were really committed to being members of CU. On my part, I can't say I really blame him, understanding his concern and his desire to see a united CU. However, another part of me wonders why I found it so easy not to go for the meeting that nite, and why I don't share(well apparently rite, since I didn't go) his passion and vision.

Bottom line: a decision I will have to make and stand by, cos if everything comes down to emotions, then our God-given brains are for nothing.

Decision then: I chose to go to CU even when I committed to LCGC early on because I believed this: that the gospel is for everyone, not only for the chinese in liverpool, and that I would like to be part of God's work amongst and for the locals as well. Guess this is the price I need to pay for it then.

Gosh, and I'm not even being persecuted yet...so much for standing up under pressure.

The journey so far

I'm not ready to be honest about a lot of things. I pray that in time I will be. Not only with myself, but with others in the family of Christ, with my leaders, with friends. Of course, it's unrealistic to expect myself to open up to everyone, I'm pretty glad I'm not that kind of person anyway!

Still, I'm glad we took the step to meet up tonight. Though most of it was just talking, and sharing, and really still quite structured,(haha my dislike of processes apparent here) I think it's good that we still keep meeting up week after week. Julia shared from her heart tonight, as always, and with Ed and Angel and Herb sharing and encouraging each other, I'm honestly honoured to be a part of the journey that we are sharing together as people wanting to see change, firstly in our lives, and in the lives of those we come into contact with.

We are going to have fun this weekend. Southampton ppl coming down, and with captainball on sat, I'm going to get some much-needed exercise. Finally! Also bought a new desk lamp from argos only to find out my last one works fine when I plug it into a new outlet...Sigh. Well, it'll make a good one for my sister when I go home in the summer:-)

Ed finally had his hair cut! By 3 people who had no prior experience b4 coming over to the UK...Of course, Jack, Hsupheen and I couldnt resist getting out hands dirty as well.. And the result wasn't too bad, pretty impressive actually, as you can see below.



Juniors have started emailing me asking for info on Liverpool. Sigh, looks like the seasons are changing again. Seems just yesterday I was one of the eager beavers(well, actually Jack and Alex were way more interested in getting info b4 we came over), and here I am, one of THEM who went over, having to promote our unis..Oh well, all I can say is:

Seremban isn't that bad, costs a lot less, and if you want a real UK experience, go to the highlands and wear shorts all day while eating potatoes and chips!

I dread to think that I spent hundreds of thousands of ringgit coming over 'just to escape the Malaysian/old-school method of consultants screwing students who don't know their stuff' Or just to 'experience the Biritish culture' or just to 'get a better standard of teaching'. Making decisions based on peer/parent pressure while not really praying about it...Thats just me having random thoughts. Btw, I think my reasons were the last 2.

Whats this Sunday.

Someone turning 24, making me feel pretty old thinking that by the end of this year, I'll be 23.

Someone whom I got to know since secondary school, who would shout outside my house on sunday mornings calling me to go to church, who would insist on doing weird things like eating all the leftovers after breakfast at stalls for RM10 or playing basketball at night in church after studying at 1am.

I recall the doubles match that we won together, which was probably the tennis achievement I felt best about for quite a while, the time I scolded him for breaking school rules as a prefect, and later on, accepting that he would do such things anyway, cos some of the rules were pretty illogical.

Of sharing Star Wars novels and later, other books to tide him over his exams. The times he gave me advice not so much by words but by the way he lived.

I still remember the songs he wrote, which he used to sing to me on my piano at home. Still like the one we used for musical in MYF best...for the record, its If Only. The time he sang Leaving On A Jetplane on his last day at school. The talks about contemporaries we used to have, the times we shared concerns about common friends. The time we talked on msn about his girlfriend.

Ed shared this verse with me tonite:
"Am I now trying to win the approval of men, or of God? Or am I trying to please men? If I were still trying to please men, I would not be a servant of Christ." Gal 1:10

Seems to speak about Jin particularly well, since as far as I've known, he's never been one to willingly conform to public opinion, especially where God's Will is clear for him.

Happy bday Jin. See you in June. Say hi to Chen May for me.

Can't Hear You!

What others have realised in a matter of weeks, I have only come to realise now. I need to speak up. I need to take the initiative. I need to make my views heard. No matter if they're wrong or right(but preferably not too idiotic), cos both ways, I'll remember my mistakes and/or feel good about myself.

Cos if I don't ,I'll lose out on experience, on practicing opportunities, on applying what I've studied, and risk everyone thinking I'm some kind of dummy who only speaks when spoken to. Like yesterday, where I spent the whole day not actually doing ONE single clinical exam, even though I've done it so many times back home!

It's hard when I have this mentality that says I don't know enough to be able to give an answer, that I don't know all the details and therefore am not qualified to answer. That I don't feel confident enough to do the exam and therefore not step up to the plate(or the patient). Which in theory, sounds correct; I mean, who wants to make a fool of themselves?

Right up till I realise that in the UK, even if you don't know stuff, you're gonna answer, cos no one knows everything(except for a select few). And no one's gonna tell you off(again, except for a select few) if you don't know all the steps, as long as you do know the main points. Everyone's more concerned with trying, and learning and being much the wiser for the experience of having ppl laugh at them, or correct them.

Oh well, as alex says; You learn something new everyday!

Went flyering today for the Christian Union's Mission Week. It didn't help that I was doing it with 2 loaves of Hovis bread slung on one arm(side note: I3 ppl have the amazing ability to consume a 800g loaf in A DAY!!)

Felt weird cos it was my first time ever doing something that ,I would hate to have seen done. It kind of helps you develop empathy for these ppl..Those fellows giving out flyers...it actually takes a lot of courage to keep getting rejected and to still keep promoting whatever it is that they're promoting. When all they're doing is just what BBC and CNN are doing on a much larger scale: Spreading the news of events to ppl who otherwise might not have been able to hear about them.

Resolved to at least take whatever was being offered to me next time around and if I must dispose of it, at least when I'm out of their sight:-)

In 5 years time

I just think I don't know enough sometimes. Mostly just to scare myself into actually working and studying.

What kind of doc would I be? How much would I know by then(or how little)? Would I look at an old lady with diabetes with compassion, or as a constellation of problems? Will I know the normal levels of glycosylated Hb by then to tell whether her glycemic control is good? Would I have the courage to tell her firmly that she needs to choose between losing her foot or risk losing her entire leg? Would I know enough to prescribe the right amount and type of insulinfor her? How about other drugs if she has a concurrent urinary tract infection? Would I remember to take her age and body weight into consideration while writing out drug prescriptions?

And after doing all that, would I be able to do the same for the 10 other patients in the ward? And the ward after that?

Need to study more, to practice more, to play less and watch less stuff on my laptop.

Good strings

"So Jon ah...I couldnt find the strings you wanted la."

"Er...ok(rubs eyes sleepily)."

"But ah, I got good strings for the guitar instead."

"Er, ok. What strings did you get> What's the name?"

"Good strings."

"Er...yeah. But what's the brand?"

"Good strings loh. Seems to be good I guess."

"Er...no the brand la."

"It says here good strings."

"Er...ok la...Should be fine...I.."

*Goes offline*

"Rats" *Goes back to sleep*

And when hsupheen came back, she handed me :

Well, can't argue with that I suppose.

Standing in God's way.

Lord I want to serve You,
Lord I want to know You more,
Lord I want to see You,
To hear You say well done,
Lord I want to meet You,
Lord I want to let You lead,
Lord I say all this,
But what do I mean?
Cos it's hard to do the things I say,
How can You lead when I'm standing in the way?

Lord I need You to intervene,
To break me down, to wash me clean,
Lord I need You to change my heart,
To give new life, a brand new start,
I know You can do all of this today,
Why am I standing in Your way?

Lord come in and intervene,
Come break me down, come wash me clean,
Lord take and change my heart,
I claim new life, a brand new start,
Lord You can do all this today,
Cos I'm getting out of Your way.

Just another nudge from God today. Its about action. I say that I trust Him, yet I am betrayed by my actions. So it's a challenge then. To live NOT necessarily the life that I, ME, MYSELF would enjoy living, but knowing that God will take care of the 'enjoying' part(Matt6:33). To be pushed out of where I'm comfortable and know God is with me 'to the very end of the age'. So in essence, it's all lip service until I allow God that amount of trust which says He DOES know best. And that I don't have to take matters into my own hands, because His are much bigger.

While I enjoy hearing from God(it bolsters my confidence that there IS indeed a God), I am looking forward to the day when God speaks more than just having to rebuke me. And yes, Jack and Alex, I somehow know its God speaking. Sort of like when I know someone, when I hear his/her voice, I know who it is.

Elder Michael passed away today, one of the reasons which led to this post. Do keep his family in prayer. He'll be alright.

Thanks Shubs and Squeaks. Miss you guys too.

Haven't seen anyone in paeds wear one of these yet:-)

Mayb its time to create history!