It feels weird to be writing this, particularly as I have been on the other side of the fence before. Having been in a leadership position before and now being a member of the CU in the UK, I am able to see things from 'down below' so to speak.
Things like coming for meetings and events, praying for ppl and activities, the whole idea of vision and purpose seems somehow less urgent and far away. The idea that CU is a united body of Christ doesn't seem to make sense when I go and find it so hard to talk to ppl, having to initiate conversations that are really inane sometimes. Doesn't make it easier that most of the people seem to know each other, leaving me most of the time standing around wondering whom to talk to next...mayb someone who doesn't look like they're having fun talking to others, and can be bothered to talk to That Asian Guy(well don't look at me that way, it feels that way sometimes).
Granted, I do have a few ppl that I know(after half a year, i'd better have!) and that i generally run to after CU meetings to talk to, but I wonder, is it really this hard for a newcomer to feel loved and accepted?
I guess I really came to realise this after not attending a meeting which turned out to be the AGM and getting an email from the president to the effect that the AGM turned out unofficial cos less than half the members turned up. It ended with a call to consider our membership if we were among the absentees and to genuinely think about whether we were really committed to being members of CU. On my part, I can't say I really blame him, understanding his concern and his desire to see a united CU. However, another part of me wonders why I found it so easy not to go for the meeting that nite, and why I don't share(well apparently rite, since I didn't go) his passion and vision.
Bottom line: a decision I will have to make and stand by, cos if everything comes down to emotions, then our God-given brains are for nothing.
Decision then: I chose to go to CU even when I committed to LCGC early on because I believed this: that the gospel is for everyone, not only for the chinese in liverpool, and that I would like to be part of God's work amongst and for the locals as well. Guess this is the price I need to pay for it then.
Gosh, and I'm not even being persecuted yet...so much for standing up under pressure.