The journey so far

I'm not ready to be honest about a lot of things. I pray that in time I will be. Not only with myself, but with others in the family of Christ, with my leaders, with friends. Of course, it's unrealistic to expect myself to open up to everyone, I'm pretty glad I'm not that kind of person anyway!

Still, I'm glad we took the step to meet up tonight. Though most of it was just talking, and sharing, and really still quite structured,(haha my dislike of processes apparent here) I think it's good that we still keep meeting up week after week. Julia shared from her heart tonight, as always, and with Ed and Angel and Herb sharing and encouraging each other, I'm honestly honoured to be a part of the journey that we are sharing together as people wanting to see change, firstly in our lives, and in the lives of those we come into contact with.

We are going to have fun this weekend. Southampton ppl coming down, and with captainball on sat, I'm going to get some much-needed exercise. Finally! Also bought a new desk lamp from argos only to find out my last one works fine when I plug it into a new outlet...Sigh. Well, it'll make a good one for my sister when I go home in the summer:-)

Ed finally had his hair cut! By 3 people who had no prior experience b4 coming over to the UK...Of course, Jack, Hsupheen and I couldnt resist getting out hands dirty as well.. And the result wasn't too bad, pretty impressive actually, as you can see below.



Juniors have started emailing me asking for info on Liverpool. Sigh, looks like the seasons are changing again. Seems just yesterday I was one of the eager beavers(well, actually Jack and Alex were way more interested in getting info b4 we came over), and here I am, one of THEM who went over, having to promote our unis..Oh well, all I can say is:

Seremban isn't that bad, costs a lot less, and if you want a real UK experience, go to the highlands and wear shorts all day while eating potatoes and chips!

I dread to think that I spent hundreds of thousands of ringgit coming over 'just to escape the Malaysian/old-school method of consultants screwing students who don't know their stuff' Or just to 'experience the Biritish culture' or just to 'get a better standard of teaching'. Making decisions based on peer/parent pressure while not really praying about it...Thats just me having random thoughts. Btw, I think my reasons were the last 2.

Whats this Sunday.

Someone turning 24, making me feel pretty old thinking that by the end of this year, I'll be 23.

Someone whom I got to know since secondary school, who would shout outside my house on sunday mornings calling me to go to church, who would insist on doing weird things like eating all the leftovers after breakfast at stalls for RM10 or playing basketball at night in church after studying at 1am.

I recall the doubles match that we won together, which was probably the tennis achievement I felt best about for quite a while, the time I scolded him for breaking school rules as a prefect, and later on, accepting that he would do such things anyway, cos some of the rules were pretty illogical.

Of sharing Star Wars novels and later, other books to tide him over his exams. The times he gave me advice not so much by words but by the way he lived.

I still remember the songs he wrote, which he used to sing to me on my piano at home. Still like the one we used for musical in MYF best...for the record, its If Only. The time he sang Leaving On A Jetplane on his last day at school. The talks about contemporaries we used to have, the times we shared concerns about common friends. The time we talked on msn about his girlfriend.

Ed shared this verse with me tonite:
"Am I now trying to win the approval of men, or of God? Or am I trying to please men? If I were still trying to please men, I would not be a servant of Christ." Gal 1:10

Seems to speak about Jin particularly well, since as far as I've known, he's never been one to willingly conform to public opinion, especially where God's Will is clear for him.

Happy bday Jin. See you in June. Say hi to Chen May for me.

Can't Hear You!

What others have realised in a matter of weeks, I have only come to realise now. I need to speak up. I need to take the initiative. I need to make my views heard. No matter if they're wrong or right(but preferably not too idiotic), cos both ways, I'll remember my mistakes and/or feel good about myself.

Cos if I don't ,I'll lose out on experience, on practicing opportunities, on applying what I've studied, and risk everyone thinking I'm some kind of dummy who only speaks when spoken to. Like yesterday, where I spent the whole day not actually doing ONE single clinical exam, even though I've done it so many times back home!

It's hard when I have this mentality that says I don't know enough to be able to give an answer, that I don't know all the details and therefore am not qualified to answer. That I don't feel confident enough to do the exam and therefore not step up to the plate(or the patient). Which in theory, sounds correct; I mean, who wants to make a fool of themselves?

Right up till I realise that in the UK, even if you don't know stuff, you're gonna answer, cos no one knows everything(except for a select few). And no one's gonna tell you off(again, except for a select few) if you don't know all the steps, as long as you do know the main points. Everyone's more concerned with trying, and learning and being much the wiser for the experience of having ppl laugh at them, or correct them.

Oh well, as alex says; You learn something new everyday!

Went flyering today for the Christian Union's Mission Week. It didn't help that I was doing it with 2 loaves of Hovis bread slung on one arm(side note: I3 ppl have the amazing ability to consume a 800g loaf in A DAY!!)

Felt weird cos it was my first time ever doing something that ,I would hate to have seen done. It kind of helps you develop empathy for these ppl..Those fellows giving out flyers...it actually takes a lot of courage to keep getting rejected and to still keep promoting whatever it is that they're promoting. When all they're doing is just what BBC and CNN are doing on a much larger scale: Spreading the news of events to ppl who otherwise might not have been able to hear about them.

Resolved to at least take whatever was being offered to me next time around and if I must dispose of it, at least when I'm out of their sight:-)

In 5 years time

I just think I don't know enough sometimes. Mostly just to scare myself into actually working and studying.

What kind of doc would I be? How much would I know by then(or how little)? Would I look at an old lady with diabetes with compassion, or as a constellation of problems? Will I know the normal levels of glycosylated Hb by then to tell whether her glycemic control is good? Would I have the courage to tell her firmly that she needs to choose between losing her foot or risk losing her entire leg? Would I know enough to prescribe the right amount and type of insulinfor her? How about other drugs if she has a concurrent urinary tract infection? Would I remember to take her age and body weight into consideration while writing out drug prescriptions?

And after doing all that, would I be able to do the same for the 10 other patients in the ward? And the ward after that?

Need to study more, to practice more, to play less and watch less stuff on my laptop.