I am angry

Dithered a bit on writing this post but decided to do it cos will be feeling the aftereffects for at least tmrw as well. And all in the name of being honest rite?

I am bloddy angry. Or well angry, as they call it here.

Angry because? Well, that things didn't go the way I thought it would go, that the message didn't get through, that certain things were not explained, that so many things seemed left to chance, that loose ends were not tied up and that basically, things could have been so much better.

Yup thats probably why i'm feeling this way. Cos we are capable of so much better than this. with a little bit more planning, a little bit more explaining, a LOT more prayer, a....

Frustrated, so much so i'm having to retype so much just to get my words legible. Physical frustration knowing what could have been, and what actually happened.

Oh i know the solution....that things turned out according to God's plan, that the seeds were planted. Sometimes though, i wonder if thats not just an excuse to cover our asses and not admit that Yes, a bit more care and planning and communication would have gone a long way. Till i remember that:

I am part of the team involved

I am also to blame for my forgetfulness

I am to blame for not waking up to the fact that distractions (Satan the opportunity taker) were occurring and

Not doing my bit to stand in unity with everyone

But instead admit defeat, looking at how things were going

And at the end, knowing I had the chance/ability/choice to make things better.

So in the end, with all the above, I'm also very very very angry with myself.

arrgh