sOMETIMES I wonder if I'm cut out for a medical life. I know, I'm a final year and any doubts should have disappeared by now. Plus, the money's alright. And I'm saving lives. What more could anyone want?
I don't know.
Seeing how different people handle their working environment, I wonder how and where I'd stand.
In the short space of time I've been working at the Royal, I've observed doctors who come to work with a nice comment for everyone, even the grumpy patients and the gawky med students. I've seen docs who just get the job done, keeping their heads down. I've observed docs complaining about the system, bitching about other docs behind their backs, and generally raining on everyone else's parade.
I've been in ward rounds where the juniors gather to hear the disastrous medicolegal ramifications of another doc's mistakes, in other rounds where consultants complain the juniors are not working as hard as they used to 'in their day', and in yet other rounds where the consultants hardly say a word.
Working at what I enjoy, dealing with grateful patients, cleverly diagnosing what is wrong based on clear clinical signs/symptoms and initiating treatment quickly; that was what I saw medicine to be when I signed up.
Working late, dealing with patients who refuse to keep to the point, who are unhappy/agitated, and whose clinical signs don't match up and with treatment that doesn't go according to plan, that's what I see.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not depressed, neither am I disillusioned.
I'm just wondering what kind of person I'll turn out to be down the road.
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