1st question of the study:

Share a high point in your spiritual experience:

Anytime that a group of people gather together to pray for a common topic/person. Amplified if everyone prays simultaneously, and different people raise their voices to encourage/bless/rebuke. When everyone is not aware of one another, as much as they are aware of the presence of God in our midst. When that prayer is to support, affirm, and when we can sense that God is speaking, through someone, a verse, a spoken truth.

1st question of the study:

Describe your ideal vacation:

Would involve a beach with clear water. Somewhere secluded, with not too many people around. Mountains as a backdrop, and plenty of pools dotted amongst smooth rocks. The sand would be fine, minus all the debris left by other visitors, and would extend a fair way into the sea. Inland, a open area ideal for games, and a hiking trail or two, preferably with a waterfall at the end.

Weather should be mild, not too much sun, but warm enough to be able to lie on the beach comfortably, with the odd trade wind coming up out of the sea. Not too much wind though, otherwise frisbee would be out of the question.

Company would be nice, friends that I can have a laugh with, who are not too bothered about DOING stuff, but rather just sitting back and chatting. And preferably friends who share a love for food, of which there should be plenty, at the right times. Barbecues, buffets and the odd packed picnic or two would be nice.

Sounds a lot like Tioman doesn't it? Anyone still have photos from then?

What's Up?

Surfing through news sites, I'm amazed at how much is going on around the world. Whether its the oncoming Hurricane Gustav, Anwar's election and his plans to take over the world..starting with Malaysia, Zimbabwe, giant clams (the next horror movie tie-in?), I feel like I'm missing out on the big picture sometimes.

I was particularly caught up reading the story of the hurricane about to hit New Orleans, and how a general evacuation order had been issued, yet not everyone decided to go. Apart from it being like a scene from a movie, I wonder how those deciding to stay are feeling right now. Desperate for different reasons, to stay behind is not an easy choice to make when roads are filled with people going in the opposite direction.

Could draw an obvious parallel between them and life in general, but don't particularly feel like it just now.

Was encouraged hearing stories from the youth in church about their love for one another and how easy it is for them to serve one another - something we can learn from, especially in the workplace!

Listening to testimonies over the weekend from the youth retreat, it occurred to me:

I've met lots of people who've said they'd believe in God if He would just show some proof of Himself,

'if He's so great why doesn't He (insert miracle/sign) or why does He allow (insert disaster/tragedy) to happen?'

Everyone seems to expect God to prove Himself, leaves the onus on Him, that way, if we do end up going to hell, its all going to be His fault.

From what I've heard over the weekend, God DOES reveal Himself, to those who are REALLY SEARCHING for Him.

Whether its wondering 'where is God in my life', or determining in his heart to go to church 'to find out if God is really who people say He is', or 'because I study sociology, asking questions about the Bible and making myself doubt'.

In some ways, its like looking at 2 pictures:

a kid who says 'can i have ice-cream' and then goes off and plays with his toy train set.

a kid who's looking for his chocolate/ice-cream fix, who goes around and begs,cries,pleads,cajoles 'why can't I have ice-cream?' 'when can i eat?'

I'd definitely find the 2nd kid more irritating, but there's no doubting the desire he's showing.

All roads lead to God.

Listening to the testimonies, I wouldn't say that statement is wrong, its more of our attitude, our desire, our sincerity as we walk our respective roads.

Just thinking..

I Shouldn't Be Putting This On I Suppose....

but...


I got paid!!!

For the first time in my life, I earned something!

wANTED TO WRITE SOMETHING PROFOUND, but words fail me..

Lord, keep him safe.

When someone goes missing, one fears the worst. And I only just heard the news.

Yet hope never really fades.

Spare a moment to keep Yi Jien in prayer, guys.

Chronicles of a Confused Doctor 4

My first death yesterday of a patient under my team. Followed by my first death certificate filling-in today. Didn't get to certify death however, though I actually went through the process with another house officer.

Came out to find that a registrar had already certified death a couple of hours earlier. Think the nurse who got me to do it just wanted me to learn.

On call tmrw from 9am to 10pm on Sat and Sun. So no real weekend for me. Plus the distinct horror cum excitement at holding the crash bleep on one of the two days. Going to have to read the Advanced Life Support Guidelines tonight to jog my memory of when to give adrenaline, and when to not shock the patient.

Here's hoping my worst fear tomorrow is worrying my pants will fall down due to the 2 bleeps I'll be carrying.

Chronicles of a Confused Doctor 3

Two days and I've missed a post already!

Got up a little more confident on my 2nd day, went in and got stuff ready for a registrar ward round. Morning went fairly well, had my first consultant ward round close to lunch, which didn't really count, as we only saw 5 patients.

1 of whom was pretty interesting; she was nice to talk to, and pretty healthy in herself, but was suspected to have a fairly ominous inflammation of the blood vessels.

Went for teaching late, we need to fill in forms to say that we can ask patients for consent. It seems as if our life will be filling in plenty of forms from now on.

Afternoon saw me getting interrupted with doing ward jobs by a relative of a patient who wanted me to see him because he was worried. Its a sad indication of how jaded I am that I was immediately thinking of how this would all be a case of reassuring the patient and his relatives that all was well, and that the worst thing that could happen was that I'd finish later than usual.

It turned out to be a suspicious sounding account of chest pain, that led to more and more tests and resulted in me handing the patient over to the house officer on call for nights. Just goes to show, I guess.

Friday was by comparison the most free day I'd had. Highlight was getting all my bloods and cannulas in without a hitch. And also that we chipped in to help one another finish on time (well, an hour later, but still...) and being able to head to the pub across the road for a well earned drink and a gabble about the 3 days of work.

'This feels like the first weekend I've earned in 4 years'

A good lie in tmrw...sounds just what I need:-)

Thanks for your prayers, and to the various people in UK starting their first week, well done for surviving!

Chronicles of a Confused Doctor 2

Woke up feeling nothing like wanting to start work. Bed was warm, it was raining outside, etc.

Arrived and was asked to prescribe morphine to a patient. Blur. Patient was left off it due to worries that it would suppress his respiration. Compromised by prescribing another painkiller and promised to come back.

Arrived in time to start a ward round with a ST doc who happened to be Malaysian. Both of us being new to the ward, the round took longer than usual, the most irritating thing being that my network password refused to work.

Finished nearly at 1pm, did a couple of blood gases, missed the first and wasn't too convinced by my 2nd attempt, but the machine read it, so wasn't too put out. Took off for 45mins and missed my 2nd ward round which I was convinced would start later.

Came in halfway, the consultant was pretty good about it. Had a ton of ward jobs to complete after that, mostly mundane stuff like drug prescriptions for pts to go home with.

Most exciting point of the day was being bleeped for a patient whose potassium levels had gone up for apparently no reason. Took and sent off a repeat blood test and promised I would review the ECG results. Was pretty certain that the Twaves looked higher especially when comparing to prev ECGs but the reg wasn't convinced.

When the results came back, the levels were even higher than what had been before. Technically I knew what to do, but wasn't convinced about writing stuff down, so had to bleep the reg and confirm treatment to bring potassium levels down. Found the hospital formulary to be a great help.

Drug round time came around, and because 3 of us house officers on the ward had been busy doing other jobs, and had not rewritten drug cards, the medicine round by the nurses ground to a halt while the 3 of us sat in a corner and frantically rewrote the cards.

Ended up going back a couple of hours later than usual. Chances are tmrw will be even more hectic.

To do:
- sort out network password
- Read up on pulmonary function test requesting and indications (what have i been doing for the last 5 years??)


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Chronicles of a Confused Doctor 1

So tmrw is the day we'll be let loose on the wards.

Have decided to try to keep a day by day account of sorts, no telling how regular I'll be with the posts though.

Had a talk about our portfolios today; never realised how much there is to do apart from managing patients. Where we are going to find the time to do audits, present cases at rounds, write up papers I don't really know.

Weird: The night before, we went out to meet the doctors from whom we'd be taking over the wards from. Excused myself to the loo, where I proceeded to do number 1 to the strains of Star Wars: A New Hope. Seriously, who pipes in a movie to their toilets?

Anyway, more on the first day after it happens. And if anyone can spare a prayer for me, I'll be grateful:-)

The Eagle Has Landed

Now, at the end, only is it clear.

I am going to be a doctor, for real.

Accepting the fact took a while.

I'd still much rather :
- be more prepared
- have another week of lying in

But in the end, I;m still looking forward to Wednesday.