barrow in furness

After a long flight, am still having the jetlag and having only a day to move in a whole living room-ful of stuff into a 1st floor flat, I've started my 4th year in this wonderful place, this idyllic retreat, this bucolic residence, a veritable heaven-on-earth called Barrow In Furness. If anyone is in the mood or has too much free time on their hands, please do the good deed and send a mail to

CAR2A Carley House
Abbey Way
Barrow In Furness
Cumbria
LA14 1BP
UK

And you'll make a certain medical student's life that much better. Am going in with a bang straight into paediatrics. SHOWED my ignorance earlier this morning already when asked to define urinary tract infection. My holiday-rusted mind struggled to come up with a definition suitable to the occasion (it was handing-over session with a consultant hearing patient reports from the doctors on the previous shift) and he caught me out, polite laughter sounding as he did so. Lots of other stuff to read up on...which makes this short break at the library pretty guiltifying.

Good news is, edward's applying for broadband and should get it fairly soon. we're getting to know the other people on rotation, all of whom seem a nice friendly bunch, if a little prone to over-imbibement. haha! Btw the next big attraction is a beer festival in nearby ulverston this weekend which is receiving no end of attention here.

Else, all still normal and in my email list today heard good and bad news from people back home. Keep me in prayer as I keep you guys too. Wil be heading out looking for a church this weekend and hope to see a bit more of barrow than i have at present. Hopefully my next post will be from a nice fast wifi connection.

What I've Been Doing 2

From my testimony in Prof Paul Chen's church last Sunday about the visit to the Jehai Orang Asli (indigenous people of Malaysia):

It was my first time:
- Going on a trip with so many females (Prof and me being the only males)
- Sleeping next to a professor whom I'd previously only seen way up front in a huge lecture hall
- Going on a 6 hour drive constantly either praying, singing, or sharing stories
- Praying and sharing my testimony in Malay

What I've come to know in some small way:
- The needs of the Orang Asli; education, a source of clean water, better housing being some of the more pressing ones
- That in a mission field, one has to be prepared for anything. As in each of us were given specific tasks to do ranging from snail gathering to mapping to dispensing medicine to praying for the sick, but everyone was doing everything by the end of the trip
- That I often believe in God for only what I can possibly see Him doing, nothing more
- That I don't have to look far abroad for a mission field


More of an exposure than a real mission trip, and I was really pleased to meet the group of IMU CFers who are going on the next trip to the Jehai village. Friendly bunch of people with a lame streak; but radiating an expectancy and excitement about going into the field...not many of those left.

Not going to upload any photos here as I'm a bit dubious about the wifi connection in Vista, but will put them up soon. Ditto for the Penang photos.

Penang was great to eat in, and Grace's aunt's place was the nearest I've been to a ski resort. Beef noodles, kuay teow, fried chicken skin, Hokkien mee; you will all be missed sorely. The company was good too, especially sarah who probably has a few extra strands of gray hair from rushing us to one foodie place after another. And thank God we made it without a scratch from the motorcyclists who seem a breed apart in Penang.

Things are winding down nicely, and after a movie with Sarah and Cindy, I'm gearing up towards my last few weeks at home.

New

Back at home, life is a blur of eating, reading Tintin which my sister sneaked from the school library, playing Neverwinter Nights, watching movies and catching up with friends, all while attempting to pracpost. tice cooking in the meantime.

One thing i havent been doing, though, is going online, which explains my late post. Its been a month, and am entering the second and final phase before heading back to cold, gloomy and miserable UK. Its the last thing on my mind now. Another first is using my laptop's WIFI for the first time, when the technology is already obsolete (i'm using b instead of g).

Next week will see me going to the Belum Forest area for a medical missions trip to the Jehai community. Before this I had no idea that there existed at least 4 unreached people groups in Malaysia, which have little contact with the main population groups. Nomadic hunter-gatherers since the dawn of time, they have now, thanks to Prof Paul Chen and his ministry, been able to start growing their own food and are no longer so difficult to locate due to their constant mobility. I'm supposed to map out the village for an ongoing research into the infectious diseases endemic in the area. Being the ignoramus that I am, I was given my first lesson in compass-ing just yesterday. The trip should be great, if a bit wet, as we're staying on a houseboat.

Meanwhile I'm bunking at Sarah's and Zhao's place in Vista, where people come and go during breaks. Here's to the next month!

The Wait is over

Few things at this time in life can compare with the tense feeling in the pit of my stomach when I saw the words 'Resit' on my exam transcript. Well, not totally unexpected, but still, having to fly back early is no fun to ay the least.

Fewer things can compare with the feeling of relief when I saw the email from faculty which told all medical students to ignore the 'Resit' notices because there was a failure in the system reulting in all students getting the message. As long as we'd passed all the individual exam components (which, praise God, I did), we were considered to have passed.

After congrats from the Liverpool bunch (who all passed, btw - yay!), congrats from parents, and while waiting for this page to load on my dailup account, I am overwhelmed with thankfulness to God. A second chance of sorts. An act of mercy. Without going into all the musings about what would''ve happened had I failed, I'm truly grateful to Him for this journey He's bringing me on and all its realisations in between.

Now I can go into OT tmrw relieved.

Last night blues

In a well populated kitchen

Our last night in Liverpool, our last day really, was a blur of packing, struggling with huge boxes up and down 2 floors and a mad dash 2 hours north to move our stuff to Barrow. That was just half; tmrw we're moving Alex, Tricia and Jack to Southport. If we're knackered tonight, tmrw will be no better.

For our troubles, we managed to get hold of a van which Hsupheen drove around. Acording to her, refined girls do not drive vans. This I leave to your discretion. Against all odds, we managed to get back in time for dinner and to hear England beat TnT 2-0. Woohoo.

Our last lunch in Liverpool? By some common consent, though we were miles apart, all of us for some reason ate fish and chips for lunch. Except Edward, who had a chicken burger and chips, so its probably not significant. Dinner was of course the necessary finishing up of all the frozen food that we'd not managed to cook so far. Sausages, chicken and chips/hash browns galore. Aiky, you'd have probably died.

And now, the sound of vaccuum cleaning fills the house as one by one, rooms are being dusted up, vaccuumed and polished, just so that none of us incur the wrath of the management after leaving, forcing to pay an exorbitant amount of money for 'notvacuuming under the bed'.

Our kitchen on the last night

As I write this, Hillsongs' Through It All is playing on my laptop, the only thing left on my tabletop. Pretty apt, as He definitely has been faithful, to His word to keep me/us safe from harm this year. I can think of at least 2 occasions where serious consequences might have ensued if things had gone otherwise, but didn't. He's been faithful to bring us through every obstacle, from fitting in with an alien culture to doing relatively well in studies, to bringing people like Christine Tierney to help us out. Forthcoming exam results notwithstanding, I just have to mention that He's definitely played a big part in providing for us as well, from a church to settle in, to friends who've been a great help and jobs for those who needed them too.

My last night sleeping on an empty bed with no sheet or duvet.

Next post in Malaysia. Whoopdedoo!

A year has passed Set 1

Settling bills night - where we try to push all the coins to one unfortunate person, then having to get coins from them for laundry

A chance meeting in Nottingham

In Paris for Christmas

In Scotland

Kitchen - where we spend our evenings

Future docs - your lives are in our hands..bwahahaha

BBQ@AgnesJones

I3 2006

Well, well, well

Its all over but the shouting. I finally finished my OSCEs today and have just finished the 1st round of packing b4 going home. The next few days are going to be really hectic, needing some planning; change of addresses with the bank, getting our elective confirmation slips, passing around all the stuff we couldn't finish throughout the year, moving to Barrow and packing to go home...well, at least exams are over and I'll be back in msia this time next week.

God did a good job in guiding me though the stations today I think. I messed up a few at the start because I was just too nervous, but He managed to pull me together to get my other stations more or less up to par. Don't think I could've done it on my own.

The Wait

Is going to be a long and anxious one. Part of the disadvantage of going overseas is you're never sure when you have to take an early flight back home for resits. Yup, exams are over, and I'm left with a slight(ok mayb a bit more) feeling of worry. Not for lack of trying, but maybe trying in the wrong direction. Like when I see how others know so much more that I maybe should have known, that I found questions hard when others tackled them routinely. Which culminates in the general feeling of not being on par with what's expected of me by the end of 3rd year. And which brings me back to the very real fact that I may be faced with an early flight back during summer. I hope not though.

Not that I found the papers extremely extremely hard, either. Just that there weren;t a lot of those moments when you know for sure that this IS the answer and had to guess based on what you knew. And as I told my housemates, when that happens, 50% of the time I'm wrong.

If there was ever a time to change from the pseudo self studying method that I've been in and out of since secondary school(its true), it's now. And if I make it 4th year, I hope that it's not going to be about passing exams, but of shouldering the responsibility of keeping other's lives safe.

Which really goes to show where I am on the way to becoming a doctor, I'm supposed to be halfway through, but am now having to play catch-up growth, like a poor IUGR baby.

Its all about You, Jesus,
And all this is for You
For Your glory and Your fame,
It's not about me,
As if You should do things my way,
You alone are God, and I will surrender
To Your ways.

Considering the way things went, I'm ashamed to even claim this song. But seeing as it really helped me through the uncertainty and worry, I'm going to keep right on singing it. And to all those who kept us in prayer, from all over the world, thank you. Really.

Deja-vu (which btw, is caused by a temporal lobe seizure)

Exams are tmrw. And as usual, perhaps even more so, I don't think I'm ready. To put it mildly, I was really freaked out when doing the past years.

Praying helps some, but I have to admit there is a lingering bit of doubt about whether I'll make it. And this after going thru sem 3 and 5 in IMU! Really, you'd think God bringing us through those would have given me enuf faith to believe this time will be no different. And when I think about it, its pretty pathetic from the perspective of those suffering due to the earthquake in Indon. Those guys are in bad shape and need far more. OK before i continue babbling on...

The plan is to finish up, then go thru the 20 pages of ethics one more time b4 sleeping tonight. Hopefully dinner QnA wont scare me too much, as it usually does. Normally its good, but not the night before the exams!

Btw, props and thanks to ben, mel and ant who are cooking soup from tudor close for us. Hopefully one shot is all we'll need and we can all go home safely on the 18th as planned.

Some moments

Hanging at the cathedral















Birthday egg-eating competition

Anfield

GP Rotation - at the pub

2 more weeks

To exams. And here I am. One year almost over and inevitably, the thoughts come. WHt was I thinking-to not have done more, to not have tried harder, to not have put so much sugar in the Irish cream cheesecake I tried out just 10 mins ago, to not have dared to do this, that and the other.

Typical end-of-year looking back. Maybe I should save this for when I'm back home in Malaysia, since that'll mean I'm safe from any exam repercussions. I could still fail. No denying that.

Meanwhile, as the cake is browning way ahead of schedule(switched the heat down but think I may have just ruined it by now), a lot is being made recently of the working permit rule. It's the thing that's on everyone's minds nowadays, and the petition website is the new place to make a statement, as my friends back home have pointed out to me (thanks Jin and Joy!). Funny thing is, I think there's more than one list floating around, cos since having signed it a few days ago, I can't find my name on it anywhere now..

As I understand it, the new rule makes it harder for international (non-EU) grads to find jobs as local grads will be considered first. Unless you are fortunate enuf to have a PR in the UK, or you are involved in a research fellowship like the doctor I was shadowing the other day, or you've been working here 10 years, understandably, anyone would be worried. And judging from the response on the petition list, and from my friends(both local and msian), most consider this new ruling to be, in a word, unfair.

It was with some shock, then, that I discovered my own reaction to this, was strangely apathetic. Maybe its cos I have exams in 2 weeks(and whats the point if i can't work here right?), maybe its cos I haven't thought that far ahead(come on...2 more years...wake up jon!) or maybe its cos I'm just plain lazy(irresponsible statement alert!), or maybe... somewhere deep down, the fact that God is still in control, and where He's gonna place me, is what really matters.

i'D like to think its the last reason thats causing me not to jump up and down with indignation, to not join in every last rally against the ruling, to not be called irresponsible and irrational for not considering how much my parents paid to send me over here, and instead take it day to day. I know ppl are definitely going to be affected, some may have to make life-changing decisions to move back, some may have to make sacrifices for others. i'D like to think too, that God is bigger than that, and (gasp!) that He'll take care of everyone, for unlike Bruce Almighty, He IS big enough.

Maybe I'll look into it more during the holidays/future/4th year/friends talks and seniors discussions and get worried and incensed at the amount of worry the government seems to be putting everyone through, but for now, I'll leave it.


UPDATE: i did ruin the cake, by browning the top too much and not turning it down to bake the inside enuf. Note to self. follow instructions word-for-word next time.

Comm Skills

Just came back from hospital where I had the good fortune to be sitting beside the doctor when the patient started crying. For real. Tissue paper and a glass of water had to be prescribed. And not just for any reason, rather that the doc (according to her) actually took time to examine her, sit her down and talk to her about her concerns and reassure her. Made all the more special as she came from a long way off and it wasn't the first doc she'd seen for her problem. What made it even more weird was neither the doc or i expected it to happen, as he'd just done a particularly invasive/intimate exam, with a med student present. Not something you'd want to thank your average doc for, admittedly.

When the patient left, the doc told me that everything really depended on comm skills, that ppl liked it when you cared, that even if you treat them, the real treatment starts when you talk to them right at the start.

Well, he did tell me that, but only after he said the only reason he was able to spend so much time with her was that she was the last patient for the day and another failed to keep an appointment, thus freeing up a slot. Sometimes, he said, you just have to make do with what time you have and hope its enough. A consultant whos willing to be honest with his peons. Inspiration of the day - check!

3 more subspecialities to go.

I need to be reminded

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." James 1:2-3

"Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him." James 1:12

Its all going to be worth it.

Pride

From the book "The Final Quest" by Rick Joyner (Whitaker House, 1997, pgs. 53-55)

'I was pondering how I was learning as much by descending the mountain as I had by climbing it when the noise from the battlefield drew my attention. By now there were thousands of the mighty warriors who had crossed the plain to attack the remnant of the enemy horde. The enemy was fleeing in all directions, except for the one division, Pride.

Completely undetected, it had marched right up to the rear of the advancing warriors, and was about to release a hail of arrows. It was then that I noticed the mighty warriors had no armor on their backsides. They were totally exposed and vulnerable to what was about to hit them.

Wisdom then remarked, "You have taught that there was no armor for the backside, which meant that you were vulnerable if you ran from the enemy. However, you never saw how advancing in pride also made you vulnerable."

I could only nod in acknowledgement. It was too late to do anything, and it was almost unbearable to watch, but Wisdom said I must. I knew that the kingdom of God was about to suffer a major defeat. I had felt sorrow before, but I had never felt this kind of sorrow. To my amazement, when the arrows of pride struck the warriors they did not even notice. However, the enemy kept shooting. The warriors were bleeding and getting weaker fast, but they would not acknowledge it. Soon they were too weak to hold up their shields and swords; they cast them down, declaring that they no longer needed them. They started taking off their armor, saying it was not needed anymore either.

Then another enemy division appeared and moved up swiftly. It was called Strong Delusion. Its members released a hail of arrows and they all seemed to hit their mark. Just a few of the demons of delusion, who were all small and seemingly weak, led away this once great army of glorious warriors. They were taken to different prison camps, each named after a different doctrine of demons.'

Bold letters mine.

From my mailbox

My cousin has a band! How cool is that??

Just received 4 tracks today in the mail...not something I see every day.. If so inclined, check them out here.

They are a french band with elements of rock...the full intro to the band is on the site.

Scotland

Salem advert

I think Scottish people are nice, on the whole. Though they must have wondered a bit whe 6 chinesy-looking dudes watlzed into their territory and started taking pictures of everything, doing weird stuff all the while.

I think Scottish scenery is nice too. I must have taken more photos here than anywhere else, and I wish I had a Canon with a faster shutter speed and night vision with me(yes Alex, its the camera's problem). There were just so many wow moments especially during the earlier part of the trip before we became immune to them. Talk about an intelligent and purposeful Creator!

Scottish food, aside from the the fried Mars bars, we tried haggis as well. Jack had his salmon whiile the rest ate beef and venison. Other than that, it was sandwiches all the way; we were on a road trip, after all.

Things I enjoyed particularly: meeting up with the Dundonians, the Edinburghers, and the Glaswegians, playing Dota with Alex, Bobby, Jack and Ed, tasting wines made from local herbs and fruits, a summer snowball fight on the slopes of the Nevis Range, Dunwegan Castle, Easter Service in DCCF(Aiky's church in dundee), rolling down Arthur's Seat, Agne's tiramisu in Glasgow, seeing the Glenfinnan Viaduct featured in the Harry Potter movies(where the train goes to Hogwarts), getting firsthand info on how to use a Highland dirk, pistol and blunderbuss and laughing at each other in the car all the way aroudn Scotland.

Thank God we got back safely. Most of the photos are gonna be on my Multiply site. Will only limit myself to a few here.

In 9 Castle with friends

The winner of the British Open Golf tournament stands on this bridge with his trophy

A loch and a castle

All ready to go

Something I Thought About

"This is the true joy of life: the being used up for a purpose recognised by yourself as a mighty one; being a force of nature instead of a feverish, selfish little clot of ailments and grievances, complaining that the world will not devote itself to making you happy."-George Bernard Shaw

Gosh, can I say that of myself honestly? And to whoever's reading this, if you knew me before, what would you say the driving force of my life is? I'd like to hear your honest comments. Don't worry, I won't bite:-) Really.

If this sounds familiar, it's cause I'm starting Purpose Driven Life from day 1. Would you believe I never got around to finishing it?

I know its late

A group of molecules, coming together at just the right time and temperature, with just the right amount of nutrients, all while remaining in an unstable world, made up a cell. This cell would grow and multiply, while fires crashed around it, during the cold winters and the extreme temperatures of the unstable planet called Earth. Grow and multiply into a multi-celled organism. Which as time went on, would become accustomed to living in the water. It would grow bigger and eventually evolve lungs so as to be able to live on land. And once on land, it would grow legs fit to carry and support its weight without the bouyancy effect of water to help it. And from four legs to two, from claws and pincers to arms and hands. From a cold creature of the deeps, to a warm-blooded mammal, soon to form the ability to communicate with each other in grunts. And as time grew on, would learn to make inteligible noises, discover it had a brain, learn to count and make fire, to kill each other rather than other animals for food. To grow up from living in caves to trees to communities to huts, sheds, houses, towns and cities. Till the day came when the word 'human' was first used to describe him. Humanity, from a chance collision of molecules, was created by a lucky accident.

***

A human body(according to the Full Metal Alchemist) is made out of 35L of water, 20kg of carbon, 4L of ammonia, 1.5kg of lime, 800g of phosphorus, 250g of salt, 100g of saltpetre,80g of sulphur, 7.5g of fluorine, 5g of iron, 3g of silicon, and trace amounts of 15 other elements. It was formed out of those components exactly, all of which were found in the composition of Earth. And it was introduced into an environment which was just right for it, having just enough oxygen, carbon dioxide and hydrogen for it to breathe normally without any toxic effects. All it needed to survive; air, water, warmth and light, were there in abundance, yet not in overabundance so as to be harmful to it. And as a final touch, humans were made male and female to provide the missing link: companionship. Humanity was planned in advance, the conditions around were ready to support its life when it was created.

***
As two friends turn older, and approach that period of life where responsibilities come flooding in, it's easy to forget our origins and be overwhelmed by all that we need to do and to be. Different people will have different views, but if we're planned in advance, we also have a purpose. For isn't that why plans are made in the first place? To fulfil a purpose?

SO Ian and Raymond, ex-ECF mates, disciplers, soon-to-be medic colleagues and brothers-in-Christ, my prayer is that your purpose; what you were created for, will be made clearer to you in the year to come. Have a good 2006/7!

Haha am spending the last hour before my last paper blogging. Why? Cos its a mock exam. Cos I know it's gonna be hard. And cos I've found out what I've been doing wrong all this while.

Finals will be a different story, God willing.

And Thanks for making me humble again....I really have got a long way to go.

All Things New

It's a verse in a Bible, immortalized in a Steven Curtis Chapman song. It's also very very true.

My Sunday mornings are something like this:

Woke up, at 8am by alarm, slept till 9am. Made a cup of coffee from my fast dwindling stock of Ipoh White Coffee and did the day's chapter on Experiencing God(courtesy of Bern). At 9.30, Ed says Wilson is coming to pick us up for church, which he does. Along the way, we see various other ppl walking, and end up with picking Ben, Julia and reaching church just as Erik leads the congregation in "Blessed Be Your Name". As 7 of us pile into church, the pastor, John Isherwood greets us and TaiBo who's on drums flashes a grin at us.

The songs are all familiar today, and for the first time in a while, I'm near the front, singing my heart out to a God who listens, and speaks right back to me. During the song "There Is None Like You", the thought just comes unbidden to me; truly, there is no one that touches me like how God does. As I look back, the times I've cried, the times I've doubted, the times I've felt His comfort so palpably, the times I've been driven to trusting Him in order to move forward, the times I've been open and honest, have all been with Him. No one else in my life has shared ALL these emotions with me, or has been with me throughout them all. Truly He's worth the long hard search.

Later, as John Isherwood speaks on prayer and Luke 11:1-13, I start making notes to make sure I don't fall asleep. He asks us to think for a moment that prayer is like breathing. He then goes on to say that the Greek word for 'breath' is the same as 'spirit', as in the Holy Spirit. And if the Holy Spirit is in each one of us, addressing Him should be like breathing, and as regularly. Another truth comes to light. He goes on to mention Daniel, whose prayer of thanksgiving caused him to be put in danger(Daniel6:10) and Jabez, whose boldness in prayer was given honourable mention in the Bible(1 Chron 4:9).

As the service ends, I cannot help feeling refreshed, despite the fact I have exams tomorrow, that things didn't go the way I expected a few days ago.

"Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness." Lamentations 3:22-23